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I went on holiday with them to Minorca. He lay on a sun lounger all day for a week with no sun screen and turned black. He also hardly drank at all, making me realise he wasn't an alcoholic, he only drank when with his old friends. Away from them it was just coffee through the day and maybe a single lager of an evening. My next story will be about him, the French fleet and my most embarrassing moment ever.

So, all eyes turned to N, who seemed quite sober for a man out on the piss all day. He said he just had to have a quick shower before speaking to us and legged it back to the bathroom. We waited impatiently and he finally came back out, sat down in his bath robe and proceeded to tell us his tale of woe. So, he was drinking away in some pub that has its toilets in a block outside in the car park. He's super pissed and having a lovely time with his mates on a blisteringly hot day. Then he decided he needed to have a dump, he really really needed to have a dump and he's headed off to the carpark in somewhat of a hurry. He's almost made it...... but at the last minute he has trouble undoing his trousers and suddenly his weekend has taken a downward turn. He's shat his trousers. Being a bit woozy and the worse for wear he decides it would be a good idea to take his trousers off, throw his underpants away and wash the trousers under the hand basin tap. He's just doing this when he hears someone coming, so he rushes back into the cubicle and locks the door. Then a long stream of blokes are coming in and out and he's stuck in this cubicle with his shitty trousers and no pants. He decides to try using the water in the cistern to give them another rinse. He realises he now just has wet shitty trousers. Too ashamed to go back into the pub he puts the wet trousers back on, ties his jumper round his waist to hide the back of them and decides to walk home without telling anyone where he is going. Now it is about 30 miles home, he's wearing new shoes, but the drink says he can do it (Google says that is about 9 hours to walk 30 miles). He reckons he had walked about 5 miles when a car pulled alongside him and the man and child mentioned earlier are in the car. They ask if he is okay. Not wanting to say what happened he tells them that his car has broken down and he is walking home to Hainault. The man offers to drive him back to his fictional car and see if he can get it going. N panics and says no, there's no point the engine has blown up. N then ask where they are heading. 'Romford', comes the reply. This is only a short distance from Hainault. N says if they can drop him there he will give them a tenner and he can get home from there. They agree. N climbs carefully into the back seat of the car in his trousers of shame and quickly winds down the window. As they pull into the Romford area, N says if they can take him all the way home he will give them £20. No problem says the man and takes him all the way home. By now N says the car is a bit hummy, but he's hoping the man thinks it is his kid and not him. Now! Back in Maldon there is a man hunt going on. The pub has been searched, the toilet block has been searched, nothing there but a pair of shitty pants in the bin. Next, men are checking all the caravans, then it is ditches and other places N might have fallen over in. Finally they realise they are going to have to ring his family and tell them he is missing. But when they ring, instead of a fretful wife they get the missing N himself who tells them he just got bored so decided he would hitch hike home, he would see them down the pub on Monday night!!

Here's an old pic of the town. The Fire Dept roof can be seen one right - with the bell tower frame on top...

Found another one in my archives from my town. Need to get out and take some pics and continue the thread...

Building behind the man walking with 7 windows across the top and stables next door.....

He shat himself? Magnum had an experience like that here......must have been about 2007/8. He took some English guy to see a property and the bloke shat himself in Magnum's car!

In the late 80s early 90s I went out with a girl for about 5 years who's dad was called N*gger. It took me a long time to find out what his real name was as everyone called him that including his wife. The story I was told was that he was from a family that had lived on Nanny Goat Common before it was turned into Europe's largest council house estate. I got the impression that the family had only transferred to a little cottage there after many years living in horse drawn caravans. His mother had so many children over a long period that when he was born, his brother who was home on leave from the army during the second world war looked down at this small brown baby and gave him the nickname that everyone knew him by. Now my girlfriend's dad, who shall henceforth be referred to as N, worked for himself, a one man band skip hire company. When I knew him he had bought a small bungalow in Hainault forest with enough room to have a vehicle drive in and a vehicle drive out, a yard behind for his lorry and some garages that he would rent out and behind that a bit of grazing land where he had a small double stable, two cows, two horses and a collection of chickens and ducks. 2 large female alsations lived in a brick built kennel by the side of the house, 2 small jack russells lived in the the house. N liked a drink, he was very good at drinking. He would go out 6 nights a week and then on the seventh day (Sunday) he would go out lunch time and drink till early evening. He would get very drunk, but in a funny way, never aggressive, and quite a few times me and my girlfriend would collect him from the pub on our way home. If it was me who had to go in and get him, I learnt early on not to shout his name across a Romford pub full of black males, oh no, it was tip toe across and ask him quietly to come along home. No matter how blotto he got, he would be up early next morning for work, full of life and annoying energy. He was a small skinny man so I don't know how he did it. Anyway, one weekend I was sitting in their house with my girlfriend and her mum watching a bit of telly. N was away with his drinking friends at their caravans near Maldon for the weekend, he'd only been gone for about 24 hours. Suddenly the side door opened and in walked N, he muttered a quick hello, then walked straight past us and disappeared into the bath room. Then a stranger, a large man, walked in through the door behind him with a small child trailing him. N's wife stared at him, not quite sure what was going on. N did not have a car, he had been taken to Maldon by his friends so how he had got home was a mystery and no one knew who this strange man was. The man then asked if it was okay to use the phone, he got a confused yes and then rang someone up to tell them he was going to be a bit late. N reappeared, this time he is only wearing a bath robe, his skinny legs sticking out the bottom. He handed the man a £20 note and the man and the child left. Rest of the story after my zoom meeting.

Sounds like a great time to yank some chains, oh yes i can meet your agent, 3.33 am, back ally bring cash, i am good christan.

I've told this many times, but for the few who haven't heard it:- I'm laid up in a 4 bed bay of a hospital ward. From the next bay of 4 beds I can hear a man with a really beautiful speaking voice suddenly pipe up with a question. Man, "Hello, hello, is anybody there, hello, can anyone tell me where I am?" Nurse, "Hello John, don't panic. You're in hospital." Man, "Oh, I see. thank you. What's happened to me? Nurse, " You've had a stroke and you were brought in unconscious." Man, "Oh dear, I see, do my family know?" Nurse, "Yes, don't worry, your wife has been informed and she's been in to see you and knows you're okay." Man, "Oh Thank you nurse." 20 minutes go by of silence from him....then. Man, "Hello, hello, is anybody there, hello, can anyone tell me where I am?" Nurse, "Hello John, don't panic. You're in hospital." And so on, he just went round in this continuous loop for a day or so. Then near the end of my stay I hear him again, this time he's more himself. Nurse, "What are you doing John?" Man, "I'm rolling a cigarette nurse." Nurse, "You can't smoke in here, it's a hospital." Man, "But I'm not smoking I'm just rolling a cigarette." Nurse, "If you're doing that, then you're obviously going to smoke it aren't you." Man, " Well I've got a pair of slippers under my bed, but I'm not going for a fucking walk am I......"

Classic bikes are big business these days, but where to draw the line? I'm gobsmacked at the prices being asked for some bikes because they're "classic". Do you think that these prices are justified, or is it just old blokes with too much money and rose tinted specs looking for that nostalgia trip?

Yeah it ain’t kind on tender knackers

Balls permitting Ray!

Doesn’t the “Specs Manoeuvre” involve passing through the hedge twice in quick succession?

Absolutely! You see stuff that never sold well in it's day listed at ridiculous prices. And for Zeds and Kwak triples it's totally off the scale. Look at this Z1 for nearly £26K HERE! I can remember them new at £1247 on the road in 1975.

I think I remember @Specs doing that manoeuvre

Yen definitely has the monopoly on stories about shit

We should have known that the story would involve shit!

tell him you know some one with a van and you can deliver it .

No, that bloke was called chalky

I have become lazy of late and have been leaving my DLSR (camera) at home and just taking my iPhone with me on hikes. Then this past year we have had a bunch of owls move into the hood. Great Horned Owls at that. I have tried to get a good shot with my phone, but it just isn't cutting it. The shots are blurry and just not what I was wanting. I needed to get the big camera out!!!!! But I also thought, a new lens has been in order, now might be the best time. So off I went on my Honda to seek out some fine Nikon glass! It was a cloudy day, so a bit cooler and with some lovely clouds over the water. I was in luck, the only local store that sells such things had just what I was looking for. Now to get out there and find my owl. I have become rather good at finding them in the forest, you have to be very quiet and know where to look, they like to sit in the middle branches and watch you walking by. I was very excited when I found one. They are getting comfortable with me so this one sat still nicely for my photo. I got a much better photo with my new lens, making for a very happy Grasshopper. It could be better, but the fun is in working on getting that perfect shot!

Hope it don’t go to high, I believe here in Lincoln we have the highest in our country not good at all.

You probably know it as a CB500X

Yup. He had one of those multi-bike policies for years, with a 750 limit so he replaced it with a jelly mould GSX750 for a while, then they discontinued the policies so being no longer being limited by engine size he went for a V-Max, then BMW 1150GS, then a series of get to work bikes, XT660, was one I recall. He now has my old Versys for touring/camping and one of those Honda 500s (the half a Jazz engine sort) for going to work.

Just depends on my mood on the day. Some days I’m happy to bimble along at a sensible pace, this is mostly on the Himalayan as it lends itself to that kind of approach. Mind you, it can also be quick enough to keep up with more powerful bikes on tight, bumpy roads. If I’m on the CBR I find it impossible to not ride like a twat.

My mate has a GS750 rusting in his dad's front garden. But it was lovely back in the 80s, he'd bored out the engine to 850, fitted a lengthened swing arm and put some wheels from another Suzuki on it to give better tyre choices. It had big wide handlebars and an Eddie Lawson style seat. He painted it white with 2 tones of blue stripes on the tank, gas board colours we called it when taking the piss. I so wanted to ride that bike, but he wouldn't even let me sit on it. Then the engine went bad after a few years so a second hand 750 unit was fitted. Then he repainted it in garish dayglo colours and put ape hangers on it. It started winning rat bike prizes at rallies. The only picture I have of it back then has most of it out of view. This is Martin and his girlfriend in approx 1985, he's sitting on the GS, my other mate's Honda Silverwing (500) is behind them. His dad is nearing the end of his life at the moment and they have introduced a controlled parking zone in his street. Suddenly the tiny drive needed to be cleared so the carers could park without getting a ticket. It took some effort but it moved eventually after sitting under a cover since about 1992.

Fraternal organization. They're still around, see: https://www.pythias.org/

Tried to park right where the man was walking. Masonic Lodge is still in decent shape...

I put ace bars on my RD350 because I didn't really like the original bars, but I thrashed that as much as I could! A mate had a GS750 and I had a few goes on it and was pretty impressed by it. He then got the GS1000 when it came out. That was pretty mind-blowing at the time too. But, compared to modern bikes they are a bit lacking in many departments. Yes, I prefer the looks of many of them, but that doesn't justify the price tag on some of them now, in my opinion.

Lace House - restored Victorian home...

Williams Stables - downtown...

I had a test ride on one from the Kwak dealer in 75.......completely blew my mind that a bike could have that much power. I expect it would be a big disappointment if I rode one now though. I had an RD350B as well.....best handling bike of that period. Didn't have any problem with plugs fouling up though.....probably cos I was thrashing the shit out of it everywhere! I always said the best bike of that era though was my GS750.

No shit - and that's our Main Street!

Crook's Palace - an old saloon no longer open...

The Bull Durham barn / casino, ca. 1975 and today....

OK then, I assumed the current town grew around the old one, like it happens here.

I can understand that, but aren´t those pictures from inside a town?

I'm not Our county only has 3-4 paved roads in it as most of the roads are very rural. None of our roads are paved...thus the need for a Super Tenere. The winters are pretty brutal on paved surfaces here, so there aren't too many of them.

I am surprised there's no pavement of any sort on the street, in the modern pictures.

Well there used to be a town surrounding it. Now it's all that is left.

I’m on tenterhooks now

wind the twat up .. ask him a load of silly questions

I saw one of those Tridents the other week, it really looked good.

I need a forklift to pickup my pallets of ammo.

Well it is all ready for the bike now.

spent 5 hours today coating my sheds in ronseal so they should be ok for a couple of years just got to re-felt the other one now

I meant carry the speed through the bends

you

You and Blender........

Loads more not to photograph then!