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IT's Wednesday again and time for a wee jaunt around the mountains. Started off OK but when we had to go down what we were told was a bit of a dirt track, Well the guy who put this ride together wasn't joking. It was off road riding along what I think was an old railway track as we had to go through three long tunnels. We got to our destination only to be followed in by a police 4x4 who informed us that the track we had just come along is not for cars or motorbikes as it is not suitable?? so we had to leave by the only other way out which proved to be 10 times worse than the road in. The temperatures went up to around 43 degrees and by the time I got home I was ready to collapse, my wife reckons that my problem with high temperatures may have something to do with the fact that I'm a diabetic?? I don't know but I drank gallons when I got home and fell asleep for over 4 hours.. Happy Days!

So about a 100 blokes are sitting in a large hall with test papers and a pen each in front of them. I would say that about 70 were holding their pens the wrong way round, eating their paper or asking for crayons as they weren't allowed sharp writing implements. A large sergeant told us to turn the papers over and start answering the questions. Can't recall too much, but I think there was some basic English language questions, bit of maths and then lots of diagrams with pullies and gear wheels and you had to predict what happened to the last item in a sequence if one turned at the start followed by stuff with weights on balance arms at different distances to the fulcrum. I've always finished exams very quickly, not necessarily correctly, but speedily. At school I would be sitting bored out of my brain for an hour plus, getting glares from other pupils and teachers, so this time I took a piece of scrap paper and doodled stuff for ages instead. When the papers were finally collected, I quickly turned over my scrap paper with all the knob pictures before it was seen by the sergeant. Some people were still writing as their papers were snatched away. After we completed the tests we were taken into another room for a lecture. What it was about I have no idea, but the unexpected exercise had started taking a strange toll on everyone. There seemed to be a continuous round of farting from everyone, including me, followed by the deadliest stench permeating the room. I was in a confused state. Everyone likes the smell of their own farts, but is this still okay if everyone's smell the same?? The officer giving the lecture gulped and stopped and said that it might be best if everyone went outside for 10 minutes and got it out of their system. He kept some people back to open windows.

You know that you are not done explaining this don't you?

Let me know where you want it and I'll ship some over to you...

New beach toy.

There were some good times in the 60,s . My dad got his 1st car in 1963.....a huge Austin 16.....he looked after that car like my mum did the house. Every Sunday he would religiously wash it, and clean out the interior, then polish the seats, resulting in anyone sat in the back sliding from one side to the other on corners.....any corner, as the Austin 16 did not do fast in any shape of form. He was able to buy the car courtesy of my mum........she won...wait for it!!.... £500 at the local bingo hall........which would be equivalent to around £10,000 nowdays.....it also paid for her to visit her sister in America. That year I got everything I asked for at Christmas.

Yes, just clearing the tubes for the medical a week later when I was sexually assaulted by the doctor.

Eventually the day ended and we were free to do whatever we wanted in our Victorian barracks with luxury downstairs stables and horse troughs, all at no extra charge as well. Someone asked if we could go to the pub and the answer was yes, but anyone not there in the morning when our names were called was failed. Myself a a few others walked across the parade ground and out the gate to a pub in town somewhere. This had some of the sergeants in there already so I bought them all a drink to ensure better marks if they saw me dragging my self along the ground crying. I think this worked actually. Coming back later that night we couldn't find the gate we had come out of, we got a bit lost. So rather than walk right round the huge outside we climbed a large wall instead to get into the parade ground. We did it the old fashioned way, none of that leaping on each other stuff like earlier when I got muddy hair. Then we jogged across this huge expanse till our buildings appeared. Back in the room I squeezed into the awful supplied sleeping bag which had a distinct sweaty feet smell. On the other side of the room was the bloke with the damaged plums. He was telling everyone loudly that someone had swapped his sleeping bag because it definitely never had a broken zip when he got it. A voice in the dark told him to go to sleep or they'd chuck him out the fucking window. I zipped mine up and snuggled down to a guiltless sleep... In the morning we did the assault course again, poxy thing. I was even floppier across it than before, but I think my beer buying paid off here. Then we got taken to a store and top government experts measure my feet and wrote it down carefully, hopefully against the right name. If my overalls were anything to go by, I might have to stuff the toes of any future boot with paper or cut the toecap off. I then went into the next room and a respirator was stuck over my perfectly formed face. This was then tested by someone putting a hand on the filter and asking me to breathe in. Nothing happened, I just went blue and the veins stood out all over my head. Apparently this meant it was a good fit. The rest of the day passed in a blur, I think they had me upside down doing the sit ups again because my guts felt like I'd torn a foo foo valve. Finally we got our results individually before being sent to our respective lorries for transport back to where we had started from at the crack of dawn the day before. I was told I had passed subject to the medical. The man with the squashed spuds was one of our group and he moaned all the way back to Tilbury because they had failed him. A week later I had an appointment at Laindon medical centre. My sweaty mate came with me. He kept sniggering as we sat in the waiting room, but wouldn't say why. I was soon to find out. My name was called and I was told to go to a particular room. I knocked on the door and heard a female voice tell me to come in. Bugger I thought, woman doctor. I predicted I would be dropping and coughing at some point. I opened the door, hoping she was awful looking.....No such luck. Ask me to take my clothes off in front of a female medical person nowadays I wouldn't think twice. 22 year old me was a bit more worried about it. So, I was weighed and my height measured. The doctor was quite fit and when she bent down to do something to the scales I got a flash of cleavage. Brilliant I thought, that's all I need. I thought about Maggie Thatcher as hard as I could. Then she asked me to lay on a trolley and pull my trousers and pants down and my shirt up. As I lay there she started poking me in the guts. She saw me wincing, as the upside down pull ups were still having their after effect. Then she grabbed my bollocks and gave them a quick squeeze. This woman must be marvellous at selecting supermarket fruit I recall thinking. Then I swear she flicked my knob about a bit with the end of her biro. NOW, the next bit....you have to remember I was still young and naive. So when she asked me to turn on my side and draw my knees up under my chin, I did so not realising what was to come. "Just relax" was what I heard before I nearly shot off the trolley. As I lay there stunned and violated trying to go to my happy place she was already washing her hands at the sink. I'm off the trolley by now, still with my trousers and pants round my ankles, hopping up and down. "What did you just do?" I asked. "I just put my little finger up your bottom she said". I was shocked, we hadn't even been formally introduced and she had not bought me dinner or anything. "Are you sure it wasn't a thumb??" Still hopping about from foot to foot, I complained it was still stinging a bit. "That's because it's a very tight muscle" she replied. "That is because NO ONE has done THAT before, are you sure you're a doctor, you're not just here to empty the bins or something are you?" says I. "Look on the bright side", she said, "you'll never get piles., err, you can pull your trousers up now.

Never happened to our house..............only had water to the kitchen sink. In the outside bog my dad kept a paraffin burner on low, or the water in the cistern and pan would freeze up if he did,not.......... glad it was a wooden lav seat.

I love hearing stories about the great depression, oh wait, thats you Brits reminiscing about Britain again...lol

Suns out …

You haven't really grasped what global warming is going to be like, have you? It means we'll have shit cold summers, warm winters with no rain, and you will have warmer whatever you have. Britain isn't really going to become a tropical paradise

I am never keen, I feel out of control and see dangers that I think the rider hasn't. But I'm the same in the passenger seat of a car. On holiday sometimes we hire a car and one of us drives out for the evening, then after drink is taken on board we get a cab back, leaving the car in town. In the morning someone has to go on the back of a scooter or motorbike to collect the car. My 73 year old mate has the habit of weaving about, I swear he tries to get every pot hole he sees, like a game of pothole Bingo. I cringe in fear on the back, my only consolation is if he's driving on the correct side of the roa, depending on which country we are in. My other mate rides in and out of London all week and he is definitely an unhappy pillion behind me. He is carrying a bit of extra weight so he's usually tightly wedged between me and the top box. He will shout out that a traffic light has turned red, like I haven't seen it. It is usually on the horizon and will change 2 or 3 times before we even get near. When I bought my 3rd Africa Twin I had to go to Norwich. I asked my friend Charlie to give me a lift. His bike was a GSXR110, bit of a beast. The rear seat was tiny, I had trouble bending my legs enough to get them on the rear pegs. When he finally hit the on ramp to the A12 dual carriageway he gunned it and not only did I nearly fall off the back, he hit a lump in the road at the same time and I went up in the air as well. I shit myself. Later on when we left the A12 and got onto a smaller road (A140??) where he went round a roundabout so fast I swear my ear was on the tarmac. I had had enough by then and made him pull over and swap positions and I rode it with him on the back the rest of the way.

There's more medical yet, tomorrow though.

We only hire teenagers to be our lifeguards, she looks a few decades away from that.

Looks good to me, what you say @bruce

Just smiles from pretty girls, turns out you can find treasure still...lol

Hot aches!!..... remember suffering from them after hours sledging on the hill in the village. Did not suffer them again till around 1975 when riding back from 1st wife's in law's in Chester le Street.......was in March, set off in reasonable weather, but within 10 minute of riding the temp plunged, all the way back, sleet and snow, think my hands where cold and wet for most of the ride home......oh the pain.

I can remember that all the water pipes burst in the house!

Yeh.....I can't remember the school being closed either. I do remember walking across the lake in Brynmill Park cos it was frozen solid though.

How did we survive!!....no central heating, the bog was outside. Continental quilts/duvets unheard of.....had so may blankets on the bed that it was nigh on impossible to turn over

Nowdays they close a school in summer if the boiler breaks down. Don't think our school closed once, I remember sitting in class with my Duffle coat on to keep warm, but we could walk/slide to school, no school run, cos very few people had a car!.

......2 inch of the white stuff here and the country grinds to a halt!. Most people here ain't got big 4x4,s. So sorry for my ungratefulness, but we will give it a miss.....don't want a re run of 1963.…......but thanks anyway.

25 cases in town.......and latest news is that Spain is now trialling it's own vaccine! No indication yet as to whether it's only effective on Dagos!

Me and me dad always used to stop at Lenham at a little coffee shop … ended at Folkestone harbour

It's a big county is Kent........................do you think it was originally called Cunt

No , making the most of some decent weather .

The flare she's burning is supposed to tell you the sex of the baby she having, blue or pink.

Tropical.....never......paradise!....imposible!.

I used to deliver to a hotel in Leeds, and half the staff were from Spain....so a couple of hours drive and they could try the delights of Skeggy!......it's like Benidorm, without the good weather.....

I have spent a week in Warsaw when my brother lived there, if you’re single there are other attractions…

I was always a pillion before i passed my test after that i was the rider and that's the way its always been. I think i would be ok as long as some twat like my younger self wasn't riding. Back in my 20's i was just riding around looking for things to race as you do when i see this guy around Abergavenny way thumbing a lift carrying a helmet, i stopped to give him a lift he was going to Tredegar about 10 mile away. I shot off hitting speeds over 140 between the heads of the valleys roundabouts which was pretty normal for me back then, the fucker was squashing the life out of me he was holding on so tight, when i pulled off for Tredegar i asked where to he insisted the roundabout was fine and he would walk from there, i got the impression he couldn't wait to get off for some reason