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Here is a good pics Suks, you can claim to be an adventure rider.

So I've pulled my trousers up and I'm still in shock and not paying too much attention to the doctor. I finally realised she is waving a very small transparent pill container at me and speaking. The container is a few inches long, has a label on it and a screw lid. She wanted me to go to the toilet and provide a urine sample. Not easy with such a small container, but I did my best and gave the outside a good wash afterwards. I handed over the still warm container and the last thing she did was sit me down and open a book in front of me. I recognised it at once. It was the book of numbers they test you for colour blindness with. I first did this test at an opticians when I was 8 years old. I can only see the first number, the rest is just a sea of dots. I have even asked people who can see the numbers to trace them with their finger and I still can't see them. Strangely every eye test since they have made me do it again, like I am going to be miraculously cured of being colour blind. So of course, I fail the test as usual. Oh dear she said, you can't join the T.A. if you're colour blind!!!!! Now why didn't she tell me that at the start, we could have skipped the anal foreplay and gone straight for the rejection! Not only that but I could have spent my weekend previously indoors in the warm instead of running up and down an assault course. I left the room and went out to the waiting area. My mate was waiting with a smirk on his face, knowing what I'd gone through. "Don't worry" he said, "As you get promoted they put more fingers up. Become an officer and you get the whole bloody arm!" A few days later I go back to Tilbury and see the sergeant who first signed me up and sent me on the 2 day testing weekend. He's seen all my results. He's especially upset about the colour blindness because I got the highest score in the intelligence test out of the 100 blokes there, not that much of a feat as I said, some could barely write. He asked me if I was still keen to join. I asked how that was possible being colour blind. He looked around to make sure no one was listening and then told me to go to another regiment and apply all over again. Then I could learn the colour blindness test and fake it. I thought about it for a few seconds. "I'd have to have a medical again wouldn't I?" "Oh yes.". "I think I'll leave it if it's all the same to you, cheerio........."

I found a toy van for him!

Eventually the day ended and we were free to do whatever we wanted in our Victorian barracks with luxury downstairs stables and horse troughs, all at no extra charge as well. Someone asked if we could go to the pub and the answer was yes, but anyone not there in the morning when our names were called was failed. Myself a a few others walked across the parade ground and out the gate to a pub in town somewhere. This had some of the sergeants in there already so I bought them all a drink to ensure better marks if they saw me dragging my self along the ground crying. I think this worked actually. Coming back later that night we couldn't find the gate we had come out of, we got a bit lost. So rather than walk right round the huge outside we climbed a large wall instead to get into the parade ground. We did it the old fashioned way, none of that leaping on each other stuff like earlier when I got muddy hair. Then we jogged across this huge expanse till our buildings appeared. Back in the room I squeezed into the awful supplied sleeping bag which had a distinct sweaty feet smell. On the other side of the room was the bloke with the damaged plums. He was telling everyone loudly that someone had swapped his sleeping bag because it definitely never had a broken zip when he got it. A voice in the dark told him to go to sleep or they'd chuck him out the fucking window. I zipped mine up and snuggled down to a guiltless sleep... In the morning we did the assault course again, poxy thing. I was even floppier across it than before, but I think my beer buying paid off here. Then we got taken to a store and top government experts measure my feet and wrote it down carefully, hopefully against the right name. If my overalls were anything to go by, I might have to stuff the toes of any future boot with paper or cut the toecap off. I then went into the next room and a respirator was stuck over my perfectly formed face. This was then tested by someone putting a hand on the filter and asking me to breathe in. Nothing happened, I just went blue and the veins stood out all over my head. Apparently this meant it was a good fit. The rest of the day passed in a blur, I think they had me upside down doing the sit ups again because my guts felt like I'd torn a foo foo valve. Finally we got our results individually before being sent to our respective lorries for transport back to where we had started from at the crack of dawn the day before. I was told I had passed subject to the medical. The man with the squashed spuds was one of our group and he moaned all the way back to Tilbury because they had failed him. A week later I had an appointment at Laindon medical centre. My sweaty mate came with me. He kept sniggering as we sat in the waiting room, but wouldn't say why. I was soon to find out. My name was called and I was told to go to a particular room. I knocked on the door and heard a female voice tell me to come in. Bugger I thought, woman doctor. I predicted I would be dropping and coughing at some point. I opened the door, hoping she was awful looking.....No such luck. Ask me to take my clothes off in front of a female medical person nowadays I wouldn't think twice. 22 year old me was a bit more worried about it. So, I was weighed and my height measured. The doctor was quite fit and when she bent down to do something to the scales I got a flash of cleavage. Brilliant I thought, that's all I need. I thought about Maggie Thatcher as hard as I could. Then she asked me to lay on a trolley and pull my trousers and pants down and my shirt up. As I lay there she started poking me in the guts. She saw me wincing, as the upside down pull ups were still having their after effect. Then she grabbed my bollocks and gave them a quick squeeze. This woman must be marvellous at selecting supermarket fruit I recall thinking. Then I swear she flicked my knob about a bit with the end of her biro. NOW, the next bit....you have to remember I was still young and naive. So when she asked me to turn on my side and draw my knees up under my chin, I did so not realising what was to come. "Just relax" was what I heard before I nearly shot off the trolley. As I lay there stunned and violated trying to go to my happy place she was already washing her hands at the sink. I'm off the trolley by now, still with my trousers and pants round my ankles, hopping up and down. "What did you just do?" I asked. "I just put my little finger up your bottom she said". I was shocked, we hadn't even been formally introduced and she had not bought me dinner or anything. "Are you sure it wasn't a thumb??" Still hopping about from foot to foot, I complained it was still stinging a bit. "That's because it's a very tight muscle" she replied. "That is because NO ONE has done THAT before, are you sure you're a doctor, you're not just here to empty the bins or something are you?" says I. "Look on the bright side", she said, "you'll never get piles., err, you can pull your trousers up now.

IT's Wednesday again and time for a wee jaunt around the mountains. Started off OK but when we had to go down what we were told was a bit of a dirt track, Well the guy who put this ride together wasn't joking. It was off road riding along what I think was an old railway track as we had to go through three long tunnels. We got to our destination only to be followed in by a police 4x4 who informed us that the track we had just come along is not for cars or motorbikes as it is not suitable?? so we had to leave by the only other way out which proved to be 10 times worse than the road in. The temperatures went up to around 43 degrees and by the time I got home I was ready to collapse, my wife reckons that my problem with high temperatures may have something to do with the fact that I'm a diabetic?? I don't know but I drank gallons when I got home and fell asleep for over 4 hours.. Happy Days!

Yes, all pictures in black and white.

I could only find Buckster's bus ...................

You ain't fooling anyone, can see its fake sand.

I was in a real state when I got home Pete, it looked like I had thrown a bucket of water over myself, I only just made it into the house where I collapsed in a chair my head hurt I was breathing heavy my wife nearly phoned for an ambulance, I drank about three pints of water over a 40 minute period then went for a little lie down and woke up four hours later with a stinking headache. During the night I was woken up half a dozen time with severe cramps in both my legs..might give the next ride-out a miss LOL

My foots prefered pronoun is fin, please address my mental disorder with the respect it deserves, thank you.

There's more medical yet, tomorrow though.

So, trying to keep my mum’s mind away from my dad perishing in a second grade hospital while covid mandates short daily visitations, I took to making or buying nice dinners, this is southern Portugal in the summertime Ham and cheese toast with local seasonal fruit, a classic Took her out to my favourite japanese restaurant, portuguese fresh fish presented by a master japanese chef! It was her first time ever in a japanese place and she loved it! The fried soft shell crabs had a part to play in howmuch dhe liked it, though, it’s almost a portuguese flavour a simple lunch, tomato and mozzarella salad with bread and peaches for dessert, summer means peaches and melons in Portugal My cooking, this is local clams a’la “bolhão pato”, basically clams sautéed in olive oil, garlic, fresh coriander and white wine, and served with the local bread Neighbour’s grilled chicken joint, really 50 meters away, cooks the tastiest small chicken in the Algarve. dad was still unsure and I was going to the bottom of Santa’s bag to fetch something tasty to eat! The local roaster serves chicken with their own lemon and garlic sauce, home made fries, and home made chopped and assembled salad as well, along wisome good value white wine it was delicious and cost a tenth of the sushi place Today’s lunch, southern Portuguese bread (toasted) with extra virgin low accidic olive oil, ground tomato and garlic paste, and Scottish smoked salmon slices, on a mounted toast with oregano, with a seasonal watermelon out of the refrigerator and cut into cold cubes as dessert

He wasn't holidaying in Portugal 14 years ago was he ?

Exactly Pete………..riding the Himalayan is fine now but that CBR is still a bit much

Fuck that, it’s waaaaay too hot for me to be riding anywhere let alone off road. Mind you, once it drops to 30 Celsius I’m up for it.

A book, Ian, there’s a book in there.

My guess is the instrctors needed someone to punish and laugh at?

He’s fuck all to do with me, he is @XTreme’s protege.

Once again you have no depth, your trolling is weak at first then fails even to keep up with the weak standards set by the initial weak troll, then only to follow up with a boring comment only a cunt would think of, @Buckster really needs to sdend this one back to 101 fishing school.

Single seat isnt a deal breaker like Suks can get a date lol, maybe they should call the bike the Spinster in Suk's honour.

Those are nice cause you arnt near the driver who smells like a used kebab.

Six has admitted he has a problem with twenty four year olds. He can only get ten in his van at a time.

rather get the bus or walk .

Perfect for women. Or Six.

Needs a toy van for authenticity!

Britain should just do a royal flush and take all their gold back.

That's heat stroke Russ.......and your body is giving you a warning. Just bear in mind that about 1500 people a year die of it every year in Spain.......and older people are most at risk.

I'd disagree with that. I ride on my own and in groups and you can still have some great fun with a bunch of mates. In the Alps it would nearly always turn into an unofficial race at times or seeing who can get around a hairpin bend the quickest with grounding your panniers on the deck

I don't think it is the ramp is for people to enter and swim in the river

The track to and fro to that spot was a dis-used railway track which was overgrown rocks holes tress LOL and not recognisable as even a track if it wasn't for the tunnels trust me it was really off-road, but it was for hiking only which is why we had the road closed off for us and had to take an even worse route out of that place...never again,

Not that bad. I normally get myself to the back, good watching others riding.

Groups are silly, you go along with each other when nobody is having any fun.

Cold hearted!

Let me know where you want it and I'll ship some over to you...

The result of taking a short cut, the Italian Alps circa 2007

@Mawsley .. its not napping tonight...

Out early and crossed into Murcia province......unfortunately it was already getting really hot. And I ended up doing over 200kms in scorching heat as I took a few wrong turns as usual......both on the way out and the way back. But at least I didn't need to take a van or pedestrian pace riding buddies! My mission was to locate an abandoned bunch of country houses south of Barranda that I'd spotted on Google Maps and Google Earth. And after a few wrong turns I finally found them. They had obviously been empty for many years though there was evidence that somebody had been sleeping in there at some time. Fortunately there were no psychotic axe murderers lurking in there......all of whom would no doubt be poised to bum me as @boboneleg has speculated! Seems like I dodged that bullet for another week then! Anyway.....that's enough of the sodomy conspiracy theories.......cos it's time for Dark Motorcycling!