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Here's my picture for this month

Heres mine ..Just to make the numbers up .

You know the criteria by now......it must be your bike and it must have been taken this month. If you make a submission and then get a better shot later on.....then just submit the new pic and ask for the old one to be deleted! This submissions thread will be open from now until Tuesday evening......at which point the voting thread will then be opened, with voting taking place on Wednesday 29th and Thursday 30th September. The Poll closes 8PM UK time on Thursday, at which point the winner gets their bike displayed on the front page for the duration of October! And a special shout out for @Sir Fallsalot so the thick twat is aware of BOTM. So start placing your entries NOW!

Almost two weeks ago I spend a couple of days riding around Alentejo with @Sofia, I didn´t take many pictures of the roads themselves as we covered areas that I´ve posted several times before in a few of my amazing ride reports This is more of a mood and food report, with a few pictures of old stuff we found along the way. First day, a day ride near my home, left mid morning and came back mid afternoon, only about a 100km roundtrip. First stop was in Santarem, for a coffee at the "Portas do Sol" (Gates to the Sun) old fortification walls overlooking the Tejo river and the Leziria. The Tejo looking rather sorry for itself mainly because of our esteemed neighbours from the other side of the border: Morning coffee next to a statue of D.Afonso Henriques, Portugal'l first king who conquered these lands and further south from the Moors. After a very short ride over that bridge you see in the previous pictures, we went to Almeirim to have a spot of lunch and visit a local wine producer, stopped by our table, a great older 50cc bike, so typical in Portugal and with amazing patina. It started first kick and rode off with hardly an effort. Lunch was mainly coal grilled codfish with garlic and olive oil, and a tomato salad. It was quite great. Fiuza, the winemakers whose shop I went to visit had the place decorated with a pretty cool mural outside The ride home was uneventful, through farm roads during very busy tomato harvesting season with plenty of overloaded trucks driving too fast. Next day, we left for the Alentejo, brief stop to show Sofia the RARET broadcasting station And onwards, we stopped for a few phone calls and while Sofia was busy I took a few pictures of the riverside in Coruche. We had amazing skies that day, and plenty warm enough. Coruche is very big on bullfighting, and although I prefer to see bulls lose on the hills than being tortured on the arena, there is a specific form of bullfighting that I do appreciate. The "Forcados" face the bull head on, and when it charges they grab it by the horns and hold on while a few of their team mates grab it and try to stop the bull. Simple as that, it does goes wrong for the guy in front sometimes... here are a couple of pictures in a small outdoor exhibit where we were stopped. Carrying on inland, casually cruising on a national road I spotted a secret spot that makes the best "Empadas" ever, which is some sort of small pastry usually filled with chicken. Sofia is a fan and I made an emergency exit to go have some along with coffee for breakfast. The lady that makes the famous pastries was on holiday so no Empadas, instead a delicious sort of Rissol complemented the expresso perfectly. Took these pictures to remember where the place is, I stopped by once with Maria and never can remember where it is except when passing by chance, now I now. A few kms ahead and we stopped by Mora, in a small river nature reserve Last time I was here was on Christmas day two years ago, I saw a beaver cross the street while riding over, today there were plenty of people about and the wildlife was probably more reserved. A nice road and warmer weather took us to another dam: Barragem do Maranhão was a relaxing stop Riding further to the warm Alentejo, I took this moving cockpit picture of a loaded trailer being towed by a tractor, weird distortion from the moving phone camera A few kms ahead, and we stop at another water crossing, this time on a narrow bridge On the pictures above you can see my hillbilly top case. It's an empty cardboard box meant to be filled with cheeses and preserved meats for dinner with hour hosts. As i said, we had great looking skies throughout this day: Stopping for lunch at the small town of Fronteira, we sheltered from the heat under some shade outside a cafe/restaurant and had some ham sandwiches and an "empada" After a stop in a cheese maker's shop, where we filled my cardboard top box with delicious things, we had only a short ride to Estremoz where Sofia had a meeting in the center of town. While waiting I went to buy some local bread to go with the meats and sat on a terrace under the shade and had some water. There I became quite disturbed to see the most evil looking statue I've ever seen. It's a boy Satyre: I swear that thing has an expression of wickedness while it's planting evil thoughts of destruction and mayhem on your mind. Walking past a few food stalls it smelled of Moroccan markets, pretty colors too Some enormous pumpkins: Translation to the two teas closer to the camera: "Tea for Hemorrhoids" and "Tea for Menstruation" Having some time to kill before meeting Sofia's friends at their place, we went to a wine farm intended on buying a few bottles to complement the food we were already carrying, "Herdade das Servas", a nice place near Estremoz: There, we found an Olive tree aged 360 years: And one aged 1100 years, still producing fruit, it's great to think what this tree has seen in it's life: After picking a few bottles, we had a mini tasting outside, just a sip to go with some cold water this is me packing a six bottle box under the cheese and meats box, all super safe. It was only a short ride to Sofia's friends farmhouse, It's an old farm house, first built to the farm hand, a place full of soul and character: Sun was starting to get lower: And I decided to go see some cows closer and marvel at the low light and golden grass, the black cow wasn't too happy about my unannounced visit and proceeded to stomp around, so I made my way back to the house: We had a delightful evening, eating snacks and soup and drinking wine and talking into the night. No pictures of this. In the morning I planned on leaving early but that failled, the three mares that live in the property escaped their fence and were happily running around having lost their way back in. After running around a little on account of the mares, we proceeded to get lost in talks yet again, and only ended up getting on the road near the end of the morning. Rode to the Alqueva dam, but took no pictures, it was pretty familiar and documented roads. We had a snack there sitting by the water on the marina, and tried to book somewhere to stay with a swimming pool, being a warm September saturday and doing this at 2 or 3PM meant everything was full, so we gave up on the countryside and went to Beja, one of the most important big towns in the Alentejo. There we stayed in an old monastery now converted to a very nice hotel For dinner, we walked a little through the historical center of Beja to find a small typical place A statue of our Queen Dona Leonor, know for her work for the needy: A Pipa, where we enjoyed a pretty great grilled pork Walking back to the Hotel at night, we walked past a communist party rally, complete with Sr. Jeronimo de Sousa having a speech, although I'm not one for politics and not one for communism, he is a political dinosaur and will be missed as a true believer of a cause when he eventually quits, so I got a kick out of seeing him. Morning saw me enjoying the breakfast worthy of a king before getting on the road, here I am waiting for eggs and bacon... After a really great hotel stay, we headed off on a cool Alentejo morning, first stop was on a Roman bridge, the bridge over the Ribeira de Odivelas was firstly built in the first century, with future add ons on the V and XI, it's currently 120 meters long and still open to traffic. It used to be over 5 meters tall but has been slightly buried and currently little water goes under it. I suppose they might be waiting for the Romans to come back and fix it up again instead of getting on with it ... Anyway, it's cool to ride over something that's been used by traffic for almost 2000 years: A couple of km next to it, we stopped again to look at a another dam, probably responsible for the bridge's low water flow but a nice place to stop anyway Nothing quite like having a wee with a view: Onwards, being quite the intrepid adventurers we rode for maybe 5km to another stop, this time at an old estate house, this is very typical of this area, to have a few houses where the workers used to live forming a small village, surrounding the lord's (usually nobility) house in the center, this is Sofia talking to the only current resident, who is telling her she loves motorcycles and rides a scooter herself: Our road turned out to be unpaved for a few kms, which was quite fun but dusty and a bumpy: After rolling off we had a couple of stops for fuel and a snack, and made it home in the afternoon after a few kms of uninsteresting roads of which I have no pictures. It was a good couple of days relaxed and easy riding and hanging out.

Hardly worth entering with this but it’s the only photo I’ve taken of my bike in September so far. Shame, as I’ll have some better ones when I go to the Sierra Nevada on Thursday

What a nice guy you are. I imagine you riding around the countryside looking for riders who are in need of your assistance and guidance. You need a cape to match the bike, and maybe some cool googles......

I do ride it sometimes!

This is mine, the garage is as far as I've gone this month

Having slept in one, I can tell you that if you value silence and darkness it is the way to go. It's so dark you don't know if your eyes are open or not when waking up in the middle of the night. I liked it, for sleeping. You would need proper ventilation for living in one, though. And there's no light even when you want there to be.

I got together with Mr Slowly pretty young and once when he went away for a bit longer than usual I started to wonder what do single girls do? Inexperienced as I was in the variety of solo fun to be had I rifled through his selection of videos for grown ups, broke open the baby oil a started a voyage but the dog was in the garden and would not stop bloody barking. I go out into the garden to get him and the door swings shut behind me. Im now locked outside in only a bathrobe plastered in baby oil. Theres an upstairs window ajar but I have no way of getting to it. I know they leave the keys in the milk floats in the yard half a mile up the lane so I walk barefoot in the dark up the road praying to not see anyone. Its an unlit single track road but it was a full moon so easy enough to see. I score a Honda Acty (hilarious vehicles, if you get a chance to have a go in one please do) and drive to my Dads house to borrow a ladder. By now its about 11.30pm and my Pa is quite far down a bottle of whisky so is oblivious to the fact Ive turned up barefoot in a bathrobe and waxes lyrical about his new carpet for what seemed like an eternity, eventually I interrupt and ask if he's still got any of mums clothes, he finds me a pair of jeans, a short vest and lends me a ladder not even asking why I need it. He's a good dad. I get back and start the window ascent but the ladder is a bit too short so Im now precariously standing on the very top of its folding elbows, I hoick myself upward and lose the ladder and my mums baggy jeans. Somehow this innocent(ish) venture has turned into me hanging out of a window half naked with my shiny arse mooning at the moon. The MOD used to decommission bombs in the Bristol channel and they were not allowed to stop their vehicles. They drove a a constant fast speed directly at you down the lane, it was up to you to get out of their way. Im still dangling out of the window when I hear their powerful sounding engine and sure enough a blacked out Range Rovers was approaching at speed. Well turns out they can stop if they want to. Im not sure exactly how long they sat there looking at this spectacle because for me it seemed to go on forever but they did help me find the strength to scrabble the rest of the way in

Don't know what it is about him but I hate his bloody face and I wish all these conspiracies about are true and he's caught and hanged in public, or something.

I actually got prosecuted in 1973 for pissing in the street......2 quid fine! It wasn't a big piss!

She probably spent too much time in the UK and found it as weird as you

I should have asked you to do it with your rattle can

Lovely ride report, those old olive trees are really cool! The peeing pics, not so much.....

Being a gentleman and modest, I did piss towards the view and away from the lady! Also, I've no idea about dick sizes in the UK, nor is it a matter of any interest to me . It's all about the scenery:

Hah !!! I was doing the same thing Fred

Exactly...................... how many times have we got to tell him

I'll start the ball rolling with mine! Feel free to ignore it though!

Fantastic shots Pedro..... @Sofia looking as lovely as usual! And there's you, out with a classy sophisticated lady and you just pull your dick out on the street! You fucking savage! Hopefully nobody got rammed up the ass this time did they?

The MOD place was passed the Woodspring Priory. They closed it down a long time ago, after they lost their second bomb in the channel. Idiots hadn't secured it properly, and they didn't tell anyone there were bombs loose somewhere in the Channel! One of them washed on the beach and the other was never found. We only know about it because one of the girls used to go down there for a bit of fun and sexed up men are loose lipped The whole house would shake like an earthquake was going on and the electricity would dip out but it was great to watch the water flying miles into the air. I don't know how they got away with blowing things up there for as long as they did considering its the main drag into the docks. Here you go https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/ministry-defence-explosives-test-site-5588427

Probably down at the MOD place

Here you go. I don’t think it makes it any better though?

@Slowlycatchymonkey your story reminded me of this one that happened to me. I was working in London in 2011 and out on the pop almost every night and used to get in a hell of a state. One night i got up for a piss and when i walked through the bathroom door in my room i found myself in the corridor totally nude and the door slammed shut behind me there was nothing i could grab to cover my embarrassment other than my hands and ended up having to go to the reception 3 floors down to get a spare key A few weeks later in the same hotel the fire alarm goes off i get up pissed again goes to the corridor for a quick look and bang door shuts on me again except this time every fuckers evacuating the hotel and i'm there bollock naked with lots of people staring, i ended up having to get a towel off the same receptionist and standing outside in the freezing cold for almost an hour until the fire brigade gave the all clear to re-enter the building my junk wasn't the biggest when i went outside but it was a hell of a lot smaller when i went back in damn it was cold Funny thing is the next day i was apologising to the receptionist and she said its no big deal happens all the time

That would nice if the blue bits was grey

It's a cultural thing I reckon Pete, a Brit would NEVER have a piss in front of a woman , they'd run across the field and hide first . Southern Europeans are not so hung up on those sort of things, it's either that or they have bigger willies than us What say you @Pedro

Topbox

No ramming of asses this time, fortunately! I do enjoy a scenic piss, it's the heat and all the water drinking ... I've got no idea what is happening in that engine. The other side of the bike had no foot peg so the guy just put his foot on the engine cover when riding off

How many minutes do i have before you close it

Haven't had much time to myself this weekend as I had to meet up with a new client yesterday. Then today I had to go to their holiday cave complex just outside Baza to get photos and vids. The complex is in a very rural and isolated spot and has 3 caves which they let out for holiday rentals. It's pleasant enough and has a nice swimming pool as well......if you like that sort of thing. Weather was mid 20's so I took the bike on this one!

I just see a serious lack of vitamin D and osteoporosis on the horizon

I like the idea of those probably because my house is like a cave

This is a great photo of a study in concentration

I went out for a couple of hours on the XR today met a lad on his first trail ride attempt so i stayed with him for a bit as he was heading in my direction. He was riding one of those Chinese bikes The XR This is the new boy he was brand new just look how shiney he is And because it was a Chinese bike it wasn't long before we were fixing it. Spring broke off the side stand so had to fix it with a cable tie for now Past 3 fuel stations on the route and all 3 were out of fuel i'll have to do a bit of siphoning if i go out on the bike tomorrow

So, whats your local sea level? Under 300 feet on the atlantic y;all will want to watch this.

To be fair it must have been a fairly boring job. I used to deliver to a site up in Northumberland where they used to fire small rockets and stuff down this long tunnel. It was very remote and they had to keep enough provisions on site for 3 weeks as when it snowed they could be stuck in there for a long time . I never really thought about it at the time but some of those places I used to deliver when we had the Royal Ordnance contract were very interesting.

Looks like he's having another piss to me!

Looks like hes contemplating whether that's enough wine to me

Im led to believe they were pissed up a lot of the time so lost quite a lot of bombs

The Puriton reference was because I used to go there to collect and deliver ordnance (including TNT) when I was driving . I think the site is flattened now but it used to be huge. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ROF_Bridgwater

So earlier in the year I noticed surface rust on the tank of my Tenere 700. As the bike was still under warranty I took a trip to the dealer and he put a warranty claim straight in. Once the tank and all the small parts arrived I asked the dealer if I could collect the tank and fit it myself as my plan was to have it painted before fitting it. There were two reasons for this, 1. I figured that it would only have the same amount of paint on there as the original , 2. I wanted to change the colour from the manky grey O/E colour. The dealer was fine with that so I went and collected the parts. I am lucky that through work we have an ace painter, he does all our Ducati stuff as well as custom paint jobs on cars. He had done a Yamaha R1 a couple of months before and had found a colour from 'House of Kolor ' that was a great match and had enough left over to do my tank and the little side panels that were also manky grey. I managed to remove the tank from the bike a couple of weeks ago and then after I'd taken it into our workshop our mechanic removed the fuel pump and then it got painted. Old and new side by side............... and one of the small side panels........... On Tuesday my boss brought the finished items round to my house and I fitted it all yesterday. It's time consuming doing it all on one leg but it's not as if I'm doing anything else. Anyway, I'm really chuffed with the paint job and I think it looks much better that the O/E job............ Before ........... and after.............

Any photos?

My second floor toilette is 33 feet high.

You are either a man or a woman depending on if you were born male or female. You can identify as a toaster but you won’t be a toaster. It’s time to stop this nonsense,