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Sorted it out for you Bob

This is a second hand story. In the old days at work we used to have quite a few retired policemen on their second career. One was a lovely bloke called Ron. Full of stories about his exploits in the Met traffic division during the late 50s, 60s and 70s, he was also a bit of a befuddled old gent occasionally as well. The story I heard was that he had been out playing golf in the morning and had been on the drink as well and had had a bit of a tumble on the course, so was muddy clothed, faced and handed. He got dropped off at home in the early afternoon and let himself in quietly via his side door and stripped off and used his downstairs shower rather than spread mud everywhere. He then walked stark bollock naked into the front room to let his wife know he was home and walked right into the faces of all the ladies having afternoon tea with her. She didn't speak to him for about a week afterwards. He went a bit senile in his later years and the last time I saw him was at a leaving do where he gave me a big smile and said "Hello Twistgrip". I gather he had me mixed up with some Police motorcyclist from the old days according to his wife who was also there.

Before anyone says about the topbox, I was on the way home from a shopping trip!

God damn. I'm newly single and find this shit online. HILARIOUS. I'm in fucker. Phil aka Moto Beemer (known this asshole Earache since 2002)

Brilliant stuff. When Im feeling brave I'll tell my fire alarm one. Until then have one of Mr Slowlys Mr Slowly sometimes does a bit of sleep walking if he's been on the sauce and once spent an entire night asleep naked in fire escape stairwell. His room mate was also worse for wear and no matter how hard he battered on the door he couldn't rouse him so he had to go back to the fire escape stairwell and down to reception for a key. When the coast looked clear he lept out from behind a plant pot and told the reception/security he'd been asleep in the stairwell (mainly to disarm them cos it was a bit of a sight) and they laughed n said Yeh we know your on the security camera, we've been watching you

From October 1st all covid measurements will cease inside Portugal, normal everything. Let’s see how it goes.

Dont believe this shit.... tell the truth you Twat.... sometimes i dont even wheel it out to take a pic

@XTreme would mask or no mask

Following @yen_powell's advice, and acknowledging I haven´t exactly been choosing winner fotos for the last months, I´m changing my submission to this:

Crossing the border from Spain to Portugal at the smallest border crossing I have ever been to that is actually a roman bridge!! Sweet place, called Segura, that means safe or secure.

Wot u saying, Im doing the wrong course?

and i thought i had photo editing skills .... respect to you Bob

Nice bit of photoshop, Bob. Have you considered a career change?

Push it over the edge.

I still wear mine, don't want to frighten people.

I have the cover inside out, holding the head end corners, grab the same corners of the quilt and shake the cover down over it. Then put the bottom corners in and job done.

@Slowlycatchymonkey your story reminded me of this one that happened to me. I was working in London in 2011 and out on the pop almost every night and used to get in a hell of a state. One night i got up for a piss and when i walked through the bathroom door in my room i found myself in the corridor totally nude and the door slammed shut behind me there was nothing i could grab to cover my embarrassment other than my hands and ended up having to go to the reception 3 floors down to get a spare key A few weeks later in the same hotel the fire alarm goes off i get up pissed again goes to the corridor for a quick look and bang door shuts on me again except this time every fuckers evacuating the hotel and i'm there bollock naked with lots of people staring, i ended up having to get a towel off the same receptionist and standing outside in the freezing cold for almost an hour until the fire brigade gave the all clear to re-enter the building my junk wasn't the biggest when i went outside but it was a hell of a lot smaller when i went back in damn it was cold Funny thing is the next day i was apologising to the receptionist and she said its no big deal happens all the time

You can call me dumb but I'm pretty certain that language won't get you far in Spain

Fixed. A funny side note, divers are exempt from our local knife carry laws.

You ride a GS so she has probably assumed you are gay.

True clive.... and if it got hot here for long periods like in Spain .... we'd get air con fitted , only a twat would suffer that heat, be enough to bring on a migrane.

no argument from me!

Lets see, i slept, went to the beach, rode a motorcycle, and met a new chick with a hot name....what can we learn from this...working sucks.

Wow @Moto Beemer thats the shit end of the stick. Id like to say you’ll get lots of warmth n comfort here but that’d be a lie, youre more likely to have the piss ripped mercilessly and youve already revealed a soft spot to these vultures so probably brace yourself for some tasteless wife memes! But hey its a distraction! Welcome.

A cover ain't so bad Phil. There's a twat here who takes his bike out on trips in a van instead of riding it. Then wheels it out of the van just to take pics!

Splitter!

Should be the Roman bridge because the Romans are the Romans and not even the Judean People's Front can change that!!

Hardly worth entering with this but it’s the only photo I’ve taken of my bike in September so far. Shame, as I’ll have some better ones when I go to the Sierra Nevada on Thursday

How do you line up a duvet inside a duvet cover? Is it possible? I’ve got a big bed and doing that does my head in! I end up crawling inside the cover like if it’s a tent!

yup filled to the brim.

Hello gents. Thanks for the welcome, I have not been into forums for quite some but... I have a paltry shite youtube channel and a 2021 BMW R1250 GSA but I'll link to that in a minute. A few things, my ridding buddy of 20+ years Earache is on here and is the reason I signed up, well that and my wife of 21+ years who I loved dearly decided to CALL ME while not in the country and tell me she was leaving me. Good times. So here I am looking forward to some great company and good times, and riding stuff. By the way, I gotta pay my wife $150,000 US, anyone got any spare change? Kidding. But not really. Links on links to me channel, per the comments there are tickets for riding with high beams on? Eh...good to be an American : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUoehzjrF2o

So much love for this picture!! Rolling hills and a naked... Proper!!

Here you go. I don’t think it makes it any better though?

Doing that alone seems like it'll work worse than what I'm doing, which is shaking it from the balcony until it goes into place, it's a good workout though

I did a similar thing in Dudley Leisure Centre in the mid 80's......walked out into the foyer bollocks naked. I was stone cold sober though!

My last girlfriend/partner's mother went to Roedean, which during the war was moved to a hotel in Keswick. They still had a school photo with her in it when we visited. Moved back down south after the war.

I'll start the ball rolling with mine! Feel free to ignore it though!

Im led to believe they were pissed up a lot of the time so lost quite a lot of bombs

That explains a lot , i always used to wonder what was behind that gate whenever I passed on the bike. When we were kids we used to go to Sand Bay a lot, our Dad would fish off the rocks below the toll road and us kids would entertain ourselves on the beach while our Mum had a rest (from us ). One day at low tide we found what turned out to be an unexploded shell, we didn't know what it was but after dragging our Mum down to view it she called the police and they evacuated the beach while my Dad just carried on with his fishing

I got together with Mr Slowly pretty young and once when he went away for a bit longer than usual I started to wonder what do single girls do? Inexperienced as I was in the variety of solo fun to be had I rifled through his selection of videos for grown ups, broke open the baby oil a started a voyage but the dog was in the garden and would not stop bloody barking. I go out into the garden to get him and the door swings shut behind me. Im now locked outside in only a bathrobe plastered in baby oil. Theres an upstairs window ajar but I have no way of getting to it. I know they leave the keys in the milk floats in the yard half a mile up the lane so I walk barefoot in the dark up the road praying to not see anyone. Its an unlit single track road but it was a full moon so easy enough to see. I score a Honda Acty (hilarious vehicles, if you get a chance to have a go in one please do) and drive to my Dads house to borrow a ladder. By now its about 11.30pm and my Pa is quite far down a bottle of whisky so is oblivious to the fact Ive turned up barefoot in a bathrobe and waxes lyrical about his new carpet for what seemed like an eternity, eventually I interrupt and ask if he's still got any of mums clothes, he finds me a pair of jeans, a short vest and lends me a ladder not even asking why I need it. He's a good dad. I get back and start the window ascent but the ladder is a bit too short so Im now precariously standing on the very top of its folding elbows, I hoick myself upward and lose the ladder and my mums baggy jeans. Somehow this innocent(ish) venture has turned into me hanging out of a window half naked with my shiny arse mooning at the moon. The MOD used to decommission bombs in the Bristol channel and they were not allowed to stop their vehicles. They drove a a constant fast speed directly at you down the lane, it was up to you to get out of their way. Im still dangling out of the window when I hear their powerful sounding engine and sure enough a blacked out Range Rovers was approaching at speed. Well turns out they can stop if they want to. Im not sure exactly how long they sat there looking at this spectacle because for me it seemed to go on forever but they did help me find the strength to scrabble the rest of the way in

Noo....not for me......would put my back out if I tried anything like that.

A bit of useless info i was on site one Monday morning when a car drove through the gates and one of the passengers got out and locked the gates behind them, it was the random drug test team, when i found out i started bricking it as i'd been away to a bike rally on the weekend and it pissed down so everyone was in the beer tent and it was like a scene from cheech & chongs in there. I went in to see them and explain what went on on the weekend and they said dont worry unless you ingested it directly it wont show up and i passed. There were about 12 on site and 5 labourers failed the test not to dope but cocaine