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A man hates his wife"s cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it. When he gets home, it"s there. Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it. When he gets home, it"s there. So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it. One hour later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?" "Yes, why?" asks his wife." Put the cunt on the phone," he says, "I"m fucking lost."

You want to complain to one of those eejits that design the road and junction layouts you do! OH... wait a minut...

sameish here, we'd originally planned to visit my parents in the UK cos mum is slowly sinking into dementia (she is 90) but we too are loath to face all the travel palaver, plus i understand that to go 5 days we'd need 3 covid tests... each ( there's five of us) at 25£ a go that's £375 just for the neccessary tests IF you can get them that cheap which is far from certain and some cost as much as £80 each... not going to happen! So it'll be Christmas at home, and the first since we lost mother in law too. On the Up side Mrs Moon starts a new job next week so she won't have any holiday to spend moping around the house. I have 2 weeks off and so will be on here spouting mindless drivel at you lot.

Indeed, everything about Christmas makes me sad. Except empty roads on the 25th, if the weather is good.

That's a creepy looked Father Xmas......does he have a van?

Cool, sounds like a party.... I have a special room for mouth breathers, so all retards will be looked after......

I don’t celebrate Christmas either, wrong time of year.

you cant be on your own at christmas , flight booked for 24th.... may have to bring Rubret , he's heavily retarded , we can just lock him in a room with some crayons , he likes drawing Dolphins

What would Bruce say ? you may be able to contact him now Tym

Try to get something thats "in stock and ships the same day!" is fun lately eh? My latest. Filed under: Dont you hate when this happens? I ordered a marine radio and i spoke to the most wonderful sounding southern girl working in Greer South Carolina. She was amazing and lied through her teeth so well i never complained it took a week longer to ship what she said she had in stock. Why complain she souded like a freaking southern bell for sure i could hear Jerry Springer re-runs playing in the background.

Cant top this true to life christmass story, mum said this guy came to the door one merry xmass when we lived in holland and i was 2, i freaked out, and got coal for my trouble.... andi learned to speak dutch for what, ever hear me speak dutch? speakin dickin what?. Feckin a waste of brain cells those 3 years were. From my latest novel....Life by a dyke

Except empty roads on the 25th, if the weather is good. Now that sounds good @Pedro.

Yeah, he looks like he's got a bag of boiled sweets in his pocket!

Same here now @XTreme.

Well,i;ll tell ya, ive seen young guns, and ive seen old guns, and well, i just think my sun Hunter dint blow that hooker, really, trust me, im not a crook.

more like an exit of members you Troll

And a responsible adult in your case @XTreme

Is that a ginger thing?

on the Brexit theme... British nationals resident in France without a valid residency permit are being refused entry and are considered, and treated as, illegal immigrannts I only know this because my boss went back to the UK for a lightning visit to his family and on his return he answered the question " place of residence" with his address here. Upon being asked to show his " titre de séjour" ( residence permit) he realised he'd left it behind and was refused entry into france as an illegal immigrant, having declared residency with no papers to prove it. Obviously he explained and they were able to verify his residency status on their systems, but if an "ex pat" with no residency paperwork goes back to the UK for a visit, they won't let him ( or her) back in. I would love to be a fly on the wall when some of the older and richer "Ex pats" who have "no truck with the French burocracy you kmow..." get deported back to dover as an illegal immigrant! On another note, my colleague who runs our base down near where Tango is at has just recieved a letter from M.Macron and his cronies congratulating him on his accession to French nationality. It has taken him 5 days short of 4 years...

Just dont tell her it picks up FM radio stations too...lol

I'm going to Shoreham by Sea and north Devon over Christmas, I'm praying for a snow and rain free Christmas because if I take a car all the roads will grind to a halt so I'd rather ride the bike, I'm cursed that way.

You know, I had a feeling you would chirp in as soon as I asked @Buckster the question. Thanks for staying consistent... You seem to have some feelings you need to work out, did something bad happen to you on a bus once? You are in a safe place, feel free to share....

I remember breaking down another time on my VFR only down the bottom of the hill from my house my mate had a small van but it wouldn't fit in so i came up with the bright idea of putting the front wheel in the back of the van holding the front brake on and my mate was going to drive up the hill slowly but as we pulled off a bloody copper pulled in behind us. He got out shaking his head and said i don't think so lads, ended up pushing it home it nearly killed us

Go for it @Six30has a van.

Buckle up won’t be long now.lol

One watt/3 watt/ 6 watt. Im crossing channels so im within feet of vessels @MooN, and its gets FM so i;ll have toons...lol This is a good example, ignore the wirlpools, harmless really and tons of fun....weeee Pedro said i was winded, the whole crossing vid was 5 minutes of full throttle fining and this was the King Tide coming into the channel. Not bad for a lung cancer screening test participant at almost 63. Is a farcle worth the money, never, so? Remember, im not married.

As far as I'm aware its just face coverings when shopping again not that too many people take much heed of it, I think yet another lockdown is on its way soon

If gingers do it then I’m not touching that shit.

Talking of funerals my wife was at one last week. She said the sermon was incredibly tedious and just when she was about to nod off somebody's phone rang the ring tone was this

Thought that was going here to start with,

An unnamed law enforcement officer thinks im going to get run over and she told me i needed a radio so i got a handheld submersible to 3 feet for one hour standard horizen two way vhf.

Depends on the weather. as I say, snow or super high winds might put me off using the bike. Rain I can live with if it isn't going to be every day.

Obvious choice.

Chicks make the best trolls!

Just talking about this the other day, this would be one of my funeral songs, the other would be Catch The Rainbow.

You're trolling our Troll!

Kickback gone in there for sure!

That's it, start with the anger.... You are doing great so far. We'll get this sorted before you know it......lol

This Christmas will be spent eating, drinking and shagging. The first two I can do at home.