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When my leg was amputated and I was in intensive care they gave me a morphine pump , it was the worst experience of my life . It just made it clear to me that taking drugs for recreational purposes was never going to happen for me, we're all different I suppose but I just can't get my head around why anyone would do that.

Yesterday you were on about @Mawsley trolling.....now you're trolling Bob! Has everybody here lost their fucking mind?

I think I had planned 1500km for this trip and door to door was 1508km according to the trip meter on the bike. it also showed 24h50 minutes riding time ( a little less in reality as I don't always switc the engine off when stopping for a pic or slapping the sat nav or whatever but call that "saddle time" and it'd be about right) fuel consomption was around 5,8L per 100 km. I left home on wednesday morning under clear skies and temps of around 8 to 10 deg c. The first stage was south to Clermont Ferrand on roads that I have ridden many times before. Crossing the Loire, westbound at Pouilly sur Loire I rode south on the left bank of the Loire for a while further before stopping for a coffee break. Budget restrictions being what they are ( and I'm something of a cheapskate at the best of times...) coffee from a flask was the order of the day and I just stopped at a convenient spot at the roadsiide by the river. Tigger in full touring Mode: despite the sunshine, I still had thermal liners in jacket and trousers at this point. I picked up the A75 southbound shortly after this at Monmarrault and as the weather rapidly deteriorated I hunkered down and concentrated on "making progress", switching from the "scenic" gps app to "Coyote" which warns of any speed cameras or dangers on the road as well as basic navigation. I really didn't need any avigational aids as I simply had to run south untill junction 37. This was a boring, if reasonable short interlude just concentrating on the road ahead and despite the rain keeping the speed needle around 140km/h ( the French Autoroutes are limited to 130 under normal circumstances, but in rain are limited to 110 and 140 on the tigers clocks gives a real speed of around 135, hence the usefulness of advance warning of any speed cameras, mobile or otherwise. ( it's not an infallible system, but for 50€ a year it only has to avoid 1 10 km/h exess speed fine to be viable. ) Once off the Autoroute, the road eastwards from Marvejols to Balsieges, before joining the Gorges du Tarn proper was superbe. The weather was still cold and damp, with 10/10ths cloud cover but only actually raing in brief showers. These showers are much easier to deal with wearing waterproof riding gear rather than having to stop and clamber in and out of rain gear every half hour. then the start of the Gorges du Tarn proper. riding down the Gorges was stunning, I can honestly say that I have never seen anything like it, there's certainly nothing on this scale in the Uk. Having the road to myself, mostly due to the bad weather was a bonus cos I imagine it would be heaving with bikes and camping cars during the summer. The main problem was actually staying on the road which winds seemingly endlessly downwards hanging onto the edge of the mountainside, on a balcony to go around a buttress, through a tunnel from time to time, squeezing through a gap between the cliff face and an outcrop, never straight or level or of equal width for more then a dozen yards and all this on a wet surface whilst gawking open mouthed at the incredible scenery. Wow! just... Wow. Once it was over and I was nearly at the bottom I realised I had taken no pics, just too gobsmaked by it all to function normally. It was about 18:30 when I rode into Millau from the west. I had provisionally booked a bed in a local "Gite d'Etape" ( bit like a youth Hostel) which, using my sleeping bag and sorting myself out food wise, would only cost me 15€ ( remember what I said about being tight fisted?) It was raining steadily now and when I stopped at a supermarket to grab a salad and sandwich for my supper, I phoned ahead to tell him I was about 15 minutes away. I mentioned I was just getting some food and he said " you can't eat here." I new that they weren't doing food cas I was the only guest, but I had previously said that I would grab a sarnie on the way in. He now decided that he wasn't happy with me eating a sandwich in my room either! Bearing in mind it was now pissing down I told him he could fuck off and hung up. ooopsss... Google to the rescue ( much as I hate to admit it the smartphoe is a very useful tool in this sort of situation, it took me about 3 minutes to find the nearest hotel mercure / Ibis ( 800m away) and book a room for the night with free undercover secure parking for the bikeand breakfast included for 80€ ( tight fisted up to a point...) I already had food for the evening and the welcome and service at the hotel were excelent and I mad good use of the facilities which were far superior than I would have found in a gite d'etape. The view from the hotel room window It was too late to go and look at the viaduct / suspenders bridge and as I had planned a short easy run the next morning I decided to leave it till then.

its never to late ..

Nice report @MooN and great pictures. I really liked that area, would love to go back. Like @Motobiker said, great memories.

Day 3 Capestang - Ambert. this one is photo heavy. The scenery was f'kin awesome and the roads were pretty good too. I was up early, 06:00, cos I wanted to be able to take my time today as the GPS said 7h 27 minutes riding time. Factor in to that the fact that I tend to take a break every hour or so, plus a longer break at lunch, photo stops, refuelling etc then I based my plan on taking 10 hours to get to destination. I haven't done a 10hour day on this bike, nor on any bike since I was about 20 years younger so this was something of a test and had been planned as such. I was away by 7 and hopped on the autoroute for an hour to skirt rapidly round the north west of Beziers and get the boring bit out of the way. I exited the autoroute and stopped for a coffee in a car sharing bay right by the autoroute entrance. looking north, this is where I was heding Once I'd climbed the switchbacks almost to the top I was rewarded with a view south over the plain The more observant of you will notice that tigrou now has an airhawk seat pad that wasn't there yesterday. I had it with me but didn't know if I'd need it or not having never needed it on this bike before, but ...yeah... I needed it! It's not miraculous but it allows me to push the stops further apart. over the top and down t'other side into the next valley. do you see the switchbacks on the road below? Down into the valley and up the other side, over the crest and down again, it just goes on and on... untill the gps lost the plut completely and sent me up here ( this where I discovered that I hadn't set the "no gravel or dirt" button and also where I had to remove the liners from jacket and trousers cos it was getting hot in the sun and sodding about with a fookin great fully loaded bike on tiny steep gravel tracks had me in a muck sweat. This is where I turned round. another time and in other circumstances I would have welcomed it but not here, not alone, and not fully loaded. As usual the image just doesn't convey how steep this was. I had to back track 15 minutes to get back on course which annoyed me as I really didn't need to waste the extra 45 minutes all that had cost me. the bloody thing sent me up another clearly signposted dead end half an hour later which cost me another 20 minutes fucking about trying to figure out what was wrong. Clearly it wasn't able to apply the new settings to a previously recorded route and in trying to get me back on track was using the settings as per the original route... I looked up the next waypoint on the route plan which I think was Florac and used coyote to get me there. from there I could then bring the Scenic app back into play as I was back on the original planned route. I stopped in Florac for Lunch in a small restaurant, Simple steak chips and salad 15€, Aubrac steak so VERY good but it took forever and I spent an hour and a half there in all. Once out of Florac the road started climbing again up towards Mende and the high plateau. the road culminates at around 1400m altitude and some of the minor cols wre still closed The temperature dropped pretty fast as the altitude increased as well and I soon regretted having taken the thermal liners out. The liners in my jacket are very effective but somewhat fastidious to put in and out. I stopped here and as a compromise put the rain liner in on it's own which though not thermal, is an effective windbreak. There was still plenty of snow around and the wind was bitterly cold so I didn't stop here for long but pushed on down into the valley beyond. I came across a roadsign that I didn't know existed. Well, as they've gone to all the trouble of making a sign an' all, be rude not to really... so I did and much fun it was, steep tight twisties, poorly surfaced and absolutely blind. No room to pass either but luckily I didn't meet a tractor or a herd of cows coming up the other way. Once out of this valley it was a fairly straight forward run up the N88 to Ambert Once I got to ambert I fuelled up ready for the next day, bought some food for the evening and rode the final 6 km to the Auberge de Jeunesse ( Literally Youth Hostel) where I can't help feeling something of an imposter, not really being part of "La Jeunesse" anymore I had the entire place to myself for the evening and the warden only appeared to put more wood on the fire, take my 17€ for the night and tell me to help myself to the kitchen and equipement. Day 4 Today was just planned as a long slog home, so I was up at 7 and away by 8. the weather was ok but a heavy rain front was moving north and I was determined to outrun it. I crossed the Loire eastbound at Gannay sur Loire and took the only pic of the day I planned on a lunch stop at Chatillon en Bazois or thereabouts and came across a nice looking restaurant in a village called Ahuy I could find no menu posted outside but the phone came into its own again, and that was an inspired decision, their menu's started at 56€! ( remember that tight fisted thing?) I hightailed it outta there like i'd been bitten despite what the internet might say, there are NO restaurants still open in Chatillon en Bazois... As I rolled into the supermarket car park in search of a sandwich I saw a tiger 800 xcx fully loaded alongside a honda x tourer loaded with panniers and top box but no extras. I parked alongside a found them sitting outside in the drizzle eating a sandwich having suffered the same fate as I, lied to by the internet and let down by the restaurants. we chewed the fat briefly and the pair left heading North ( a guy and his grand daughter, believe it or not) on their way home from a short " shakedown" trip in preparation for a trip to mongolia that has obviously been put on hold for the moment as riding across russia is clearly out, and most of the "stans" still have closed borders. they'd suited up in rain gear befor leaving which was fine, as it meant that it promptly stopped raining . I grabbed a sarnie and something to drink and headed off in their wake. I soon caught them up but didn't need to push past as I soon turned eastwards as they headed north and west to pick up the main road back to paris. I found a bus stop to have a break in, out of the rain which had just started again but more out of the wind which was picking up. I Gambled a bit on fuel usage in order to not have to stop for a final fuel-up as the weather fron was pretty much up with me by now and I was trying to make it home in front of the main body of rain. I did so with 70 odd km range showing ( reserve light comes on around 60 usually) and 15 minutes before the rain came down like a cow pissing on a flat rock... I'll add some stats later but I now need to go wash the bike.

Day 2 With an easy mornings ride planned for today I had a bit of a lie in and wallowed in the luxury of a a hotel for a while, which then included numerous visits to the breakfast buffet where their strategy of supplying mini croissants and pain au chocolats in the hope that people just take one failed miserably. I also managed to sneak my flask in for a passage under the spout of their coffee machine... I looked up how to get to the viewing area for the famous Millau viaduct but the only answer seemed to be via the autoroute and the bridge tolls. Not happy about that ( tightwad!) i determined to get my paper map out and work a route where I could get close to the viewing area without paying. As I loaded the bike in the garage, the hotel handyman came out of his little workshop in the courtyard so I asked him. " of course," he replied, " you go up to Le Cavalerie, but you'll see nothing today..." The cloud base was effectively low in the valley, but I decided to try anyway. The road going on from that view point had a sign saying " narrow road. passing dificult. Use passing points." That sounded like fun, and as it went in the right direction I decide to give it a go. Steep and narrow it was, and at the top there were some lunatics preparing to leap off the hill top with a tent strapped to their backs ( parasailing I believe they call it) but in almost zero visibility!? Nutters I tell you! I mahaged to get one pic of the scenery through a break in the clouds but the rest of the mornings ride was done in miserable conditions, cold, wet and at an average of about 30km/h as the visibility was at times down to about 50 metres and these mountain roads don't have barriers... I eventually ended up in Capestang around half 12, having had an interesting jaunt off road when the road leading into Capestang had a big barrier across it saying " Road closed for maintenance" no other information and no deviation signs. I turned left and let the Scenic nav app re calculate the route. I had, unfortunately NOT ticked the box marked "avoid gravel or dirt roads" which wasn't a problem usually as I had the planned route prgrammed in but once off the planned route... nothing difficult or nast, just gravel and dirt for about 5 km whilst we boxed round the closed section, and then we arrived at the port in Capestang as the sun came out. This was my nights lodgings, and a handy restaurant right on site provided a Burger, chips and salad Lunch for 16€. The plan was to raid @Tango's larder and fridge for evening meal as he had, perhaps foolishly, suggested he feed me that evening. Unfortunately my oppo who runs the base here and who was not working today had left a message to say that he'd be coming in specially this evening so 's we could go for a meal. I couldn't decently refuse, so had to indecently turn down Tango's very kind offer of turkey curry. Once I'd fed and watered, i rang Tango to see where he was at but the phone number he'd given me didin't work... My immediate thought was " shit, somebody's warned him...". Well I had plenty f time so I left him a PM on here ( wonderful clever things these 'ere smart phones) and rode the 30 odd minutes into Narbonne where I'd stop and see if he'd replied, if not then I'd go see the sea. He had replied and still denies he gave me a duff number on purpose... I spent a pleasant couple of hours drinking his tea and grubbying his sofa with my roadstained person and I can safely say he's another person off this forum who's a thouroughly nice bloke and meeting him was a bonus to the trip. Thanks @Tango. I had to run out on him before his Mrs came home and was predictably late for meeting my colleague but hey, I'm supposed to be on holiday right? At least this way the company paid for a feed.

im a fucking legend aint i

I have never taken any recreational drugs in my life, does alcohol and nicotine count?

mrs suggested we spice things up and played doctors and nurses so i put her on a trolley in the hallway and ignored her for 16 hours

Twat

Oh shit which one am I?

Ooh look at that tarmac

There a special gun to shoot me with !!

You can also say ANY Bob Dylan song done by somebody else! I remember when Ferry's version came out in 73.....all us Greasers used to pile in the Westbourne pub! And Thursday night TOTP was on the TV. There were also a load of spaced out Hippies there as well. Anyway this song came on and as it finished one of the Hippies (completely off his head on LSD or some such shit) stood up and said....."Man.....that Brian Ferry really knows what he's singing about". So one of the boys shouted across "Well he's the only fucking one that does then".

At least he hasn’t got a shit bike.

Otis Reddings song done by Aretha. A bit unfair cos who didn’t she out canary?!

Looks to me like copying Six like he’s some kind of positive role model has become a thing on this forum.

Gay

Memories @Rob M

I really enjoyed that, really nicely written! Thank you for the effort. What GPS do you use?

I completely agree with boboneleg. Great pics. Lovely write up. Im always happy to see/hear someone who has responsibilities gets out on a trip. Food for the soul. Manner from heaven.

Excellent Chris, great photos as well. I'm sure you enjoyed getting away for a few days with some time to yourself

Can you believe it? I got out for an hour! 18C and blue skies! Stopped at my boy's place on the way back......phoned him from outside and said bring Jake out but don't tell him I'm here! So I put my helmet back on......Jake comes out and just looks over sheepishly. I then take my helmet off and he sees it's me, so he runs over shouting Grandad and gives me a cwtch. Priceless moments after 4 years separation!

I've got a bit of sympathy with the excessive signage. Thats grown up out of bad experiences. People come for a walk down where I live but don't stick to the path because they want a gander at other parts of the farm and it's feckin dangerous. You'd be driving a tractor at full pelt and some gormless twat thats not supposed to be there would suddenly appear in front of you. Tractors do not stop easily. Or annoyingly some arsehole would decide that the lane was quiet so it was ok to park their car up and go off for a walk blocking access. One woman asked if it was ok to take some pictures, we said yes. She stepped backwards off a bank fell and broke her ankle and then tried to sue us. I have many more stories about the public being thick as shit on the farm doing stuff that makes you wonder how they're still alive or why they want to cause so much damage so I get their pain!

I'm clearly in the wrong business, I should move to the uk and set up sign printing. that's firkin ridiculous! great story Yen.

Maybe i can help stop it seizing up until he has it

Today I went and test rode an Aprilia Tuareg 660. After yesterday's afternoon and evening of monsoon like rains, the forecast today was for clear skies except for a small chance of rain in the middle of the day, got out earlyish and made my way to the dealership, they do Suzuki, Yamaha, Piaggio, MV Agusta, Aprilia, Kawasaki, and probably some other brand too. About 45 minutes to get there via a boring road, the hills to the right are where I'll head with the Aprilia as the dealer is right a few kms ahead from this picture After about 10km on the main road I try to avoid a really dark rain cloud that is ahead and get on some trails to go up the hills. First try loads to a sort of quarry and it's a dead end, I stop to have a look around the bike and check google maps: Second try leads me up a narrow and quite steep path, I stop to check the maps again and see if I'm heading the right way, which I am. The bike was low on fuel, and on these slow trails felt really light. I'd even say it felt a little heavier only than my XR400, it's 189kg dry so quite light, and the seat makes it feel lower than it is, also since the suspension sags more than on the GS it really feels a lot lower. The tires aren't very good though, on these slippery rocky bits above they provide very little grip, really not confidence inspiring. I switched off traction control and got stuck, so got out and took the pictures above. Decided to not lower tire pressure or risk riding through carrying higher speeds with a bike that was kindly loaned with a "sure, no worries taking it on a dirt road" comment. Still, what would have been a nightmare in the GS, turning back in that narrow trail, was easy and didn't even get my breathing up. Eventually gave up and got on the road up the hill, by then the rain had cloud had passed through, so stopped at a lookout: From the front it's not the prettiest of bikes, but I like it, I like the GS though so there ... Rode through some nice mountain roads in the same way I usually enjoy touring on my bike and it feels like a very similar bike to ride, only a lot smaller. The seat is nice at first but not GS nice after a while, the engine is really smooth and torquey enough for whatever you want, except maybe two up with luggage, but that's not really this bike's point, I like that the dash is low and forward instead of in front of you and in your face, feels like my bike. The screen is great, doesn't get in your way offroad, doesn't bother your line of sight, and still makes it comfortable to ride doing motorway speeds. I got it up to way illegal speeds on the main road and I'm sure it'll be nice if you want to sit on a motorway for a few hours, plenty fast enough for that too since the little 660 feels like a baby race engine if you push it, it'll rev to 10.000rpm and get to 180 or 190 way faster than i thought, while also casually plugging along in 5th or 6th at 80kmh. There's this thing in Portugal now, of making swings in scenic locations, I had to stop for this one though! Riding back to the dealer a couple of hours after picking the bike up it rained a little, not enough for a soak but enough to see that the screen does a nice job at cruising speeds, and that the rear wheel doesn't splash water to the back of your legs like my GS does, which really annoys me as the first thing to get wet are the back of your thighs. My bike sits higher than a standard GS Adventure usually does: Handing the keys back, and I take a couple of pictures before going out for lunch. Such a pretty bike: Such a pretty and elegant bike, too: Both other colors for the Aprilia, I prefer the red and the yellow to the historic one: Now, looking back at it, what I think of the bike: I like the engine, it's docile for off-roading while really revvy and aggressive at high rpms, very smooth and apparently quite economical, this bike showed an average of 5.2 lt/100km over it's 1600km life, which is quite nice for a new engine that doesn't really get babied around. I didn't reset any trip meters but think it'll be an easy 4,0 lt/100km when touring gently. Brakes are probably ok, I didn't notice then to be honest so must be ok. I like that it's got cruise control. The wheels are nice, like the GS's, with spokes on the outside of the tire so it uses tubeless. The suspension is ok, it's got a nice 240mm of travel and it's adjustable, I didn't tough it though. It's nice enough for the road but dives a lot when braking sort of hardish, I am used to the BMW though. It's good when offroad and over bigger hitting bumps, it's confidence inspiring. It can turn on a dime, tighter than the GS (which is hard to do). I didn't like the levers, the clutch is cable operated and the levers feel like something taken off a 90's bike, I didn't see if all other Aprilias at the dealer have that but I suspect they don't use them for the sportier models. The GS is still the more balanced bike though. These tires are shit, ABS kicked in when braking on a wet road at very low speeds when it really shouldn't have for a normal road tire, while the rear didn't cut it in the dirt, I think they might be the worse of both worlds and would really prefer something more aggressive for offroad if I bought one. It'll make a nice trail bike, or a really nice solo touring bike, it'll make an easy meal of dirt roads and all surface qualities. The bike is so light because it's built light from scratch, it's well thought out, you can see that in the nice aluminium suspension arm, the sidestand, etc, but doesn't feel fragile. It's plasticky but in a good way, really nice quality plastics, the tank feels solid and is made by Acerbis, the panels to the rear feel like they'll take a proper beating, it feels tough and rugged. Wants? I'd like it to have a fuel range indicator, tried to find it in the menus but couldn't, maybe it's there! This specific bike doesn't have heated grips, which just feels uncivilized! I'd really like it to be taller and probably would make it taller if buying one, just to make it feel right. The rear was well designed to cope with mud, the rear wheel doesn't get the shock dirty which is nice, unlike my GS that gets all filthy if I just look at a motocross video on youtube! I liked the Aprilia, but still felt glad to be back on my bike, something like the Aprilia might be on the cards after the next Morocco trip, lets see how that goes. Headed back home via my favourite cafe for lunch and then home via some tiny roads:

Might be the colour’s name: babyshit yellow!

Is Mother Nature Polish for $20 Alex. I almost forgot my "i love lutefisk" look to seduce polish wominz with.

There is a fly in the ointment , I've just gone in the loft and realised that I sold the tank a couple of years ago On the bright side, the o/e plastics are still like new.

Sounds like an elephant gun is going to be more useful

Oh come on he's not that fat been doing a bit of walking from what i gather