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Forgot to say that I also borrowed some riding kit.

I grew up with Par Sands as my local beach, anyway it has always been known locally as Parbados. When I was a kid is was advertised as a mile of golden sands, now advertisers have to be more truthful and it is just about half that, still a lovely beach though. Anyway I was down there dog walking today and spotted some really odd looking birds. Looked to much like hard work to me.

Touring … the closest you come to touring is going to Bazza or whatever the place is called …. in a fucking Citroen Picasso

And there it is … the racism

The idea was to get the bikes to Spain quickly so we’d have time to get our stuff back from storage and the place set up ready before having to get back to work. Unfortunately Mr Slowlys shoulder wasn’t up to long rides so it was to be a straight down the country with 3 stop overs to minimise time on the bike. We left on Sunday morning, the weather was pretty good. Loaded up the Himalayan transfoming it into the something mess Pedro loved. Stopped at Exeter for fuel, there were bikers everywhere. Arrived at the ferry port disgruntled that in-spite of the service and MOT the clutch was very unhappy. It would not come out of 1st when stationary at all and it just didn’t feel right. Wait looking at the ferry entrance for what seems like an eternity and no Mr Slowly. Start to fear somethings happened to him and decided to use stalk my family to check his whereabouts, I see he’s not too far away and finally he arrives saying he thinks his speedos broken because he hasn’t seen me since we got on the motorway. Not the journeys start I was after. Board the ferry with so many other bikers it’s unbelievably packed, they parked us so tightly together wheels were overlapped and you had to climb over bikes to get out. No-one is impressed and I was glad it’s a couple of Enfields being clambered over and not something I’m precious about the paintwork on. The grump soon fades when we get to the cabin and see we have room to swing a cat and two nice French waiters posted outside our room. We have surprisingly powerful shower and pop down to the bar for a quick G&T then back to the room to break open the wine I’ve stowed in my voluminous cases. Goodbye grey skies. Hello bar. The next morning the skies of the northern Atlantic are improving and everything is a pleasant blue (although in this pic they look grey). Breakfast is included and although I’m not a breakfast person I’m curious to see if the kitchen produces a good breakfast. It does not. Mr Slowlys is full English is so cold it cannot be eaten and has to go back. I ask if they have a menu with gluten free marked up to be told no sorry in that way that lets you know they are very far from sorry. They can make me some gluten free toast (in the same grill they make the normal toast in) so I say no thanks. Mr Slowly intervened and says you have eggs, beans, tomatoes and bacon on here. They’re all gluten free surely. Yes they are he replies but the sausages aren’t. They then deliver my breakfast with the gluteny sausages and get the hump when I say the sausages have gluten in them. New barely warm just about passable (apart from the cold mushrooms) breakfast is delivered. I heard two other people ask if they had a gluten free menu and get the same treatment. I don’t expect to be catered for so I carry a lot of food with me but I am surprised on a boat that size with the number of people they feed to not bother. Usually this attitude comes from the chef who thinks he/she is some sort of creative genius and the public fuss making plebs who don’t understand. It’s an indication you’re in a place where it’s not safe to eat. Anyhow the ambience was then further enhanced by a lairy man and his screaming coughing snotty kids. We’d bumped into them when we were going to the lift. He eyeballed Mr Slowly like he wanted a fight. Fortunately he didn’t catch Mr Slowly’s eye as he was busy examining the ferry map. We sat far away from them. An old couple asked to be reseated to get away from the noise. The waiter wanted to know why so lairy man heard and got very pissy, old guy said no offence but your kids are coughing and spluttering, I don’t want it and I can’t hear my wife, as they wandered away he said fuck off then you stupid old cunt. Well fair play to the old man he walked back and told him no to be so rude. Which if you saw the size of the lairy one who now had violence in his eyes you would have congratulated him on his bravery. Lairy guy said he was fucking sick of people telling him about his kids and this was the eighth time on this trip at which point the guy at the next table joined in and said stop being so unpleasant and if this was the eighth time then do something about your kids. This duo somehow deflated lairy and it was all resolved before Mr Slowly retuned from the loo which I was very grateful about cos that’s just the sort of thing that would wind him up and I don’t think it would have been pretty!

Or a cheaper option would be to just adjust the gear lever so his other boots fit

You could but the beach is way to busy to get a bike on it. Always something going on down there. Plenty of horses and such as well. Back when we were teenagers things were different. I remember one of my mates flying over a dune on a Honda C50 and t-boning another friend on his DT 125 mid air. Nobody hurt, the only casualty was the DT's gear lever which gained a whole different angle.

The reason Rich asked that is because there's a sad twat on here who takes his bikes everywhere (even touring) in a van. Then just gets them out to take a photo (not a very good one either) and then puts them back inside again. Yes......this place attracts the very shallow end of the gene pool.

A while back we had a guy turn up at work on a Super Tenere, he was going to get a custom map on the dyno. As I helped to push his bike up the ramp I told him that his number plate was missing. He knew and had ridden up from Taunton like that (about 35 miles), when I enquired about him being worried about getting a pull from the police he said 'I am a policeman ' . You couldn't make it up

When our Labrador (Lou) was a pup and she stuck her head in the takeaway bag………a chicken madras I believe.

In my loins...

Don't make me

You change bikes more often than the Conservative party changes leaders and that’s saying something.

The wife is forcing me to go on holiday next year and my only condition is there be no kids there, People think because you have kids you must like kids well i tolerated my own but i fucking hate everyone else's

And if hes as mechanically minded as pete it would be

you are allowed to adjust them you know LOL

As I have said before I work weekends but so far this one looks like it is going to turn out ok. My boss rang to say that I have no clinician tonight (Friday) for my contracted shift so I don't have to go in but will be paid, I have to stay on call but in reality if I don't hear anything by midnight I can go to bed. Woohoo! Saturday I have been moved from Launceston Hospital to St Austell which is 25 miles closer to home and the shift is an hour shorter. Another win, Woohoo. Sanday is a normal shift but no complaints I am lucky and really enjoy my job. Also a result as I have 114 miles knocked off my regular 192 mile commute for the 3 days.

Just watch out for his 'mates '

Just try shouting in English, the British Empire was founded on it so it must work.

I use heated grips and thick winter gloves or mitts. The grips on the highest setting still work well. Too well on the Bandit I ended up with burns on the centre of my palms on one cold ride

I’m hoping lazing about and sipping gin but in reality aircon guys turning up today and got to message Juan to bring our stored stuff back. Unpack n set things back up. Which all sounds easy but my Spanish is worse than when I left, I start in Spanish then somewhere along the line it turns into French and back to English

I’m a patient person but also not good at waiting. When might this torture be concluded?

I make us up some lovely sarnies and tea from my food stash and we get packed up. The lift to the vehicle deck is broken and we’re on deck eight. It’s so bloody hot in the vehicle deck and the walk hasn’t helped. Some folk have sweat quite literally pouring down their faces. A very round tubby shaped guy tries to squeeze between my bike and a leather embellishment on his clothing wraps itself around my indicator. He doesn’t look or stop and starts forcefully yanking his kutte, I shout woah woah woah, he ignores me so I grab the offending dangling thing on his kutte and yank him backwards shouting more loudly WOAH. Badass biker or not I’m not having him wrecking my bike. He still doesn’t look back and starts pulling again. Mr Slowly see’s me struggling with the dumbass and clambers in front of him saying mate MATE YOU HAVE TO STOP. He did because cos Mr Slowly is now in his way and I kept my indicator but bloody hell my hands now really hurt from holding onto that bowling ball! I untangle him- no apology, he didn’t even look back. I mutter to myself he’s an ignorant man. I start to fret that if my bike stalls while in gear I won’t be able to move it and I’ll block other people getting off the ferry. So I climb to the people I’d potentially block in and say I’m going to roll my bike back to the side and they should go around because I’ve developed a fault and need to get off last. Well it was only dumbkutte guy wasn’t it. I think he thought I’d come to tell him off. He looked fearful and then relieved. Then offered to help with my bike. Which I politely declined as I’ve had one dumbass mechanic working on it already and could well do without another People are so strange. First stop Mr Slowlys favourite Motel nr Valladolid and he’s determined working speedo or not to lead us there! I generally choose the accommodation based on the bike parking and this garage off your bedroom thing they do in Spain is excellent. Don’t have to fully unload your bike or carry your gear miles and can check your bike over easily out of the sun or rain Next morning we set off for Parla on the edge of Madrid. Again chosen for the parking. It’s warm and partially cloudy so the 25 degrees when riding feels good. A smiley photo before I left Emporio just for @Grasshopper

This is very true, it would be hard to make this bunch of predominantly keyboard warriors look more silly than usual

I'm a fine one to talk i just remembered I've been struggling with my boots and the gear lever on my CRF1000 since i bought it in 2016 and only adjusted the gear lever about 2 months ago, first ride i was thinking why the fuck didn't i do this sooner

Haha well what other pro's are there other than the ones us lorry drivers can bludgeon to death in laybys? So The blade - well its a back road weapon and fast....what's not to like? Vstrom - all day rider comfort though probably won't light the world on fire but as a work hack it would do the commute with ease which is set to go to 25 miles each way with our offer being accepted.. Both zx12 and 14 - the zx12 is the big brother to my current ninja so not much would really change I just like my ninjas, the 14 on the other hand is a great mile muncher and possibly the quickest bike in the lineup but.....they do look abit minging. Rsv mille - well I have one for the track why not one for the road..... Ktm - well they do look quite nice don't they. Bmw - erm....petes experience aside they do look appealing in an odd sort of way. Hayabusa - well its a busa so not much else to say really it does mostly everything competently enough but nothing exceptionally well apart from speed. There @Slowlycatchymonkey these are my pro's if you could call them pro's

But when I get to my chosen destination in the dry and comfort of my van … the bike comes out and I do more miles on bike in 3 or 4 days than you do all year

Trained in grumbling from birth. It’s a tough job but someone’s go to do it.

I've just explained to Saul about the van thing! And when you actually write it down it sounds even more implausible.

Hence my fussing about warm hands and such, trying to get as prepared as I can. To be fair it rarely gets that cold in Cornwall and if it gets icey I will be using my van.

Sounds like a plan

There's a tab saying Poll......

Deffo. We haven’t had a pointless poll for ages, it would lift the gloom.

Where’s the fun in that when I can swish about all day in those beauties………I’m assured by their owner that it will make me at least 20klm faster everywhere.

Nothing wrong with rst’s just those ones

Checked out a possible new house last night and got a video viewing at a house in Braintree this afternoon so depending on how it goes it will be organising removals, I have my eye on a new bike too........

Of course guvna, it’ll be peachy.

Had to borrow some boots as the sole fell off my road boots yesterday and I can’t get the enduro boots under the gear lever. Do you think @XTreme will be embarrassed to be seen with me? I do hope so.

What a glamorous life you’ve led. No wonder you ran away to Spain

Nice weather though so a ride out to pick up supplies will be good.