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Many moons ago I hid behind a table from a x girlfriend as she was always a bit of a mouth on a stick. New girlfriend called me a chicken and dumped me.

Background cos oh you'll judge me hard otherwise. My mum does not like looking after other people so after my dads knee op I dropped his keys off to be told she was only staying a few days and then she had things arranged to do elsewhere, how would he get to his appointments, who would look after him? This was repeated on loop trying to make me agree to come back from Spain. Over the years this type manipulation where I end up being treated like a skivvying maid finally left its mark so I just shrugged and when pushed said "I don't know, you'll have to arrange his appointments for when you can be here or perhaps rearrange your appointments because I won't be here" Lead feckin balloon. Lady bountiful only does guest appearances. So I might not have mentioned I'm back, well hardly worth it is it as I'm gone again in a couple of weeks and if she knows she'll do a runner and leave me with all the work as usual. Stopped in the supermarket on the way back from our jabs. I jokingly say if we see my parents we say we came back yesterday for our jabs and are leaving Friday. It was a joke, a tongue in cheek winky face joke playing on the deception. I'm perusing the chocolate isle... Kakaa kakaa. Wha?? KaKAA KAKAAA Mr Slowly has appeared and is making loud bird sound warning signal noises behind me. Your mums here. I laugh a lot. KaKAA KAKAA??!! Very funny. Yer your mums here. I'm still laughing and now he is too. Except it was no joke she was in the supermarket. Mr Slowly put his sunglasses on and his hood up and went to the checkout, I spied a massive stack of baskets being wheeled to the door to use as cover for my escape. Hid behind the car until Mr Slowly arrived. Laughed all the way home. There you go a fully grown woman hiding from their mum. Haven't done that since I was 14 when I bunked off school and she came home from work at lunch time for a cup of tea.

When my eldest was being bullied at school I had a “quiet” word with the father of the bully and it all stopped. Can’t do stuff like that anymore, couldn’t really do it back then but mess with my kids and you find I have a less nice side.

I found this quite funny you lot will probably think i'm a dick for doing it but When i was l living at home with my parents i'd had some stupid argument with my Mother so i stormed out the house to go out on the bike to calm down, as i walked down the front path to the bike two blokes approached me and started waffling on about have i ever thought about what happens when i die, i soon realised they were Jehovah's Witnesses, i new my mother always hid from them and never answered the door to them so i said i'm sorry i don't have time for you right now but my mother is interested and led them into the living room introduced them to my mother and then fucked off out on the bike with a big grin on my face, when i got home luckily my mother did see the funny side

You would never believe it was like this just 4 days ago, its like fecking Mordor out there now.

I didn’t realise we would need to campaign. I’m already an asset to the forum. I’ve already said I want us to get back to a time when we don’t need moderation. errr….. fuck Putin? the end

For me I think I'd be a good mod given that I'm on here a fair amount and whilst I am not topping the posting charts I do view and read alot of what is going on, I don't take things to heart and can reason with both sides of an argument/disagreement. If you vote for me I'll make this forum a better experience for all. Let's make this forum great again

Just an update, I passed with flying colours, and the sneeky fooker put me in the DSG car. Apparently we are moving to Kodiaks in the new year and they are all going to be DSG,s don't mind really I quite like an auto.

Here's an idea for you @Sir Fallsalot .....why don't I make EVERY MEMBER a Mod so everybody can ban everybody else? Sort of like a WWE Royal Rumble......

I will give it a go, what could possibly go wrong.

Mr Cooper, a well known resident who liked to complain. He carried a clear plastic bag with all his previous letters and replies to the council with him when he went out and would stop you in the street and show you them to prove various points. Whatever you talked about he would insist he had worked in that particular field (once told me he had the Victoria Cross). One day when out I walked on the road side of a bus shelter just as he walked on the footway side so we wouldn't bump into each other. He wasn't a horrible bloke just relentless, you could lose half a day just saying hello. I was once walking past the flats he lived in and saw him and a colleague on his living room balcony talking. The colleague looked at me as I walked past and mouthed the words 'shoot me'. RIP Gerald Cooper, they don't make them like you any more. Old chief exec who should have been sectioned at birth, brought up by a famous east end vicar, a proper loon he was. He left to run a big housing association (still there). I was in a new job, no longer working for him and when I saw him walk into the office as I was drafting a plan I ducked behind my very large drawing board. I lifted my head a minute or so later to see if the coast was clear and he was the other side of the board waiting for me to appear. He asked me why I was hiding from him, I said it was because he was a scary bastard and no good ever came of meeting him previously. He laughed and walked off saying I had never had it so good working for him. His mum has a Spitalfield Life page. It has the man sleeping in a coffin picture at the bottom. https://spitalfieldslife.com/2013/11/21/irene-stride-remembers-spitalfields/

Many years ago me and my boss now were working down Cardiff way and decided to skive off for some breakfast in the local garden center which was packed, we were just finishing up and who should walk in, only our boss with the customer, we were down on our hands and knees crawling around under peoples tables trying to find our way to the exit as he walked to the counter we got out without being seen and we couldn't stop laughing about it for the rest of the day still makes me chuckle when i think about it

I am passing his place on Saturday, I will stop and give him a stern talking too.

Posting shit for 20 years is hardly a badge of honour is it!

You need one mod, not two. You need someone with no ego, someone who hit rock bottom years ago and has accepted his lot, someone with a face that would curdle milk, someone who is only unstable when his peg leg is loose. You need @boboneleg

Sorry, I’m sat in the car while Paolo is in choir practice. Crap signal here

I think he's legged it!

Only if im getting shot at. Good time to hide. Now, the issue becomes whats cover and what just concealment, and what standing out in the open waving your arms lighting 4 cigs in a row at night will get ya in the Donbas .

Exactly.......I'd like to see @Clive in it......but he says he's too stupid! Clive......are you aware that I was the one who made Marcel a Mod? So stupidity is obviously no drawback! He won MOTY and TOTY in the same year, got the Mod gig, then disappeared for 15 years cos he met some bird on ButtRider! You see how fucking stupid he is? And you're concerned about your stupidity? So as both my nominations haven't accepted I'm making a final pitch to get Clive into it! Tell him everybody!

When you live on our narrow little peninsula it is quite possible to have 4 seasons in one day. Tis clearing now but still blowing up rough

Wow Saul I'm so sorry, thats ridiculously stressful. They say you're only as happy as your most unhappy child, I'm pretty sure thats true. Hope it's all resolved soon. Doesn't sound like it'll be long before the vile child will be expelled from your daughters school too. It is still possible to have a 'quiet word' with people. Your situation sounds like its already well into the official channels so maybe best not muddy your own reputation?! My son was being bullied by a child that was violent and had some sort of undiagnosed special needs. The teacher responded by repeatedly telling my son "not to tell mummies or daddies or brothers about Nicholas (the bullies name) because it wasn't fair on Nicholas. We had no idea. My son started to cry whenever I dropped him at school. Then one evening he was in his bunk bed sobbing his heart out but refusing to tell us why because he didn't want to get in trouble. Eventually he cracked and told us. The bully was bad enough but the teacher? WTF, he was 5 years old FFS. Anyway I'm no advocate of intimidation or threatening violence but when someone damages your child and would continue to do so theres no depths I won't go to. All I'll say is watching Mr Slowly skilfully build from a genuinely quiet word to watching her slide down the wall onto the floor in a heap without him laying a finger on her worked a treat. We withdrew him from school until they resolved the problem, they apologised and they got rid of the kid. The mental scars are still on him though even though he was only five at the time.

I'm a delight for instance.

What about Cockneys? None of them are pleasant.

You all want to hope that I don't have to use the whip

I don’t really like this ‘old and new’ members thing that’s being used in a divisive fashion. It’s completely unnecessary and uncomment worthy. Old members get just as hacked off by the unpleasantness as the new ones and have also spoken up. So let’s drop the cliques forming bs shall we and try n be cordial. If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for Pete who has repeatedly stated he’s got enough on his plate. Take it onboard and have some consideration.

Give the examiner a hand job.

I think you would be a good moderator.

I'm out, but it's not because of @XTreme guidelines or voting system . I had a think about it last night and as @Buckster has stepped up to the plate and we have @Renegade , either of these two would do a much better job than me. Phil @Renegade did a great job with Maximumbikes imo and although @Buckster vocabulary only extends to short offensive words at times he is quite an articulate and intelligent guy. I'm not dissing anyone else who is in the running it's just that I know these two quite well.

I would do the same in the situation, you were in the right to have a "quiet word"

He wants to drag it out, he is an attention whore.

The only flaw I can see with this is if one person romps it and all the other candidates only get 1 vote in the first round and are effectively eliminated? Obviously you could run the poll again without the overall winner participating, but that could drag the whole thing out. 3 votes, first, second and third choice, with some kind of weighting? People with the most first choice votes get the gig, in the event of a 3-way draw, then second choice then third choice votes come into play? Just musing out loud.

Shame, I think you would be a good Mod. I won't nominate anyone as I haven't been here long enough to sus who is and who isn't unhinged. I will say that being a Mod is a thankless task, from bitter personal experience. Good luck to anyone who takes it on.

It was it seemed like half the street went down laughing at the performance. Another time I stayed there Saturday overnight with a friend, I decided to run off my hangover in the morning, still in my rugby days so I could actually run then. Whilst going down towards the ferry slip I saw a chap looking very bleary eyed coming out the back of some council flats doing the walk of shame. What I thought was quite unusual was the chap was still in full Saltash rugby kit covered in mud from the day before carrying his boots. Saltash is a fair way from Torpoint and I bet he had had an interesting Saturday night. I would have loved to know the story but did not think it was a good time to ask.

Thats why they always stick people in fancy dress costumes for fight scenes, bet it was bloody hilarious.

It's bloody Cornwall mate you have you pay to breathe let alone park.

When you do tell her Torpoint is the asshole of Cornwall I dread us going to a call there at work. I did work there at Thancks Tanks, Naval Avgas storage facility years ago. Not a pleasant place. I made the mistake of going out there one New Years, saw some fantastic new years fighting in the street. One that comes to mind was one drunken serviceman trying to headbut another whilst wearing a Giraffe costume. Hard to explain but the guys head was halfway down the neck of the costume so when he tried to drop the nut the stuffed head about 18 inches above his real one swung in a massive arc. You had to be there really but trust me it was very funny.

Fake news mate, my aunt lives in Torpoint and she is always telling me that weather is always glorious in Cornwall! . And that's aside from it being the centre of the known universe too!

When I am tested next year I will have to remind myself, "What would Buckster do".

I wish that were an option but as always in life it's complicated. The girl in question circulated photoshopped nude photos with my daughters face on them. Police have dealt with it. This vile child was not in my daughters school at the time (6 months ago) although she knew her, but is starting there this week, after being expelled from most schools in the area. That's why my daughter lost it. There is more to it but for my daughter's sake it is best not to share to much. To be fair my daughters school didn't know but does now. I am not happy for my daughter to go to another school, this is rural Cornwall and schools are spread out. Next two nearest options are 7 miles away and not somewhere I would be happy for her to go. We can see her current school from the window. So our best option is to get things sorted there.

Good, she’ll try and have us all knitting or greasing trays and shit

I'd be more surprised if you used the toothbrush!

Thanks Caroline......all I want is for people to chill a bit and help me to get everything back on an even keel. Because I can't spend my life dealing with this stuff!

Change the record, fella. We all know you don't like the English, but your constant sniping is getting very wearing!

Thank you Pedro, but it's not for me. I've done it before for about 10 years on XRV.org.

Me neither. Contentious issues aside I'm on here in concentrated doses and then have commitments that see me unable to to contribute for blocks of time.

Ok I'll stay in the running

Just imagining Buckster forming the welcoming committee for new members, that could be worth voting to see Although the idea of Pedro promising to be trigger happy is most tempting. If I was around long enough to see it @boboneleg I really don't think you should withdraw. You're on here enough to make a difference to Pete, would do a good job and would be a popular choice.

Just take the America bit out....