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Awesome night the wife thinks we will be up early to do the tourist stuff no fuccking chance

The last instalment of the Autovia hit n run carriageway dance. TLDR everything turned out fine. Both Mr Slowly and I were tired and weak from whatever that hideous coughing bug was so we’d agreed to lead half way each. I had only just waved Mr Slowly in front of me a few hundred metres back so I’d watched him disappear into the distance from the ground of the hard shoulder. Bugger, I’ve lost my muscle. Given the hearing aids are tiny bits of black plastic, the motorway is the same colour and everything is spread over such a large distance I’m surprised I have all the parts for both of them, my pannier key and both sets of house keys in my hands. In-spite of close shaves (that are occasionally still flashing before my eyes when I close them) it’s only then I realise how fucking stupid it is and go back to the hard shoulder. I’m pacing back to my bike as fast as I can but I’m fairly out of breath by now, I just need to get the bike back upright and get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. I wasn’t particularly concerned about picking the bike up, loaded it’s well over 200kg but armed with many oops experiences on the Himalayan and jacked with enough adrenaline to propel myself to the moon and back I set about trying to right it. It was having none of it. The hard shoulder had a distinct downward camber and the bars were in the barriers so the bike couldn’t be dragged back and there just wasn’t room for me to get my weight under the bike to use my legs to lever it up. I tried anyway (he who dares Rodders) and made it worse, as I pushed, the front of the bike lurched further into the barrier jolting me forward for a close up view of the abyss, I didn’t need to that see for a second time and stopped. I text Mr Slowly to say I’d dropped my bike on the hard shoulder (no need to panic him with the truth) and that I was fine but could he come back round and help pick up the bike ASAP As I stand there I contemplate how long I have before the police appear, if maybe someone might stop (that thought coincided with a fellow biker flying past my arse ) and briefly consider that Brexit could be my friend on this occasion as the traffic offences in Spain are no longer enforceable through the EU. This jogs my memory about my hi-viz which I discover is of course stuck in the pannier that’s wedged against the ground. I prize the pannier open a crack and slide my hi viz out, it’s stowed in the lid so I only have to open it an inch or so, at least that was a wise move. Miracle, a van pulls over and a woman jumps out, she speaks no English and I discover adrenaline wipes out any Spanish I have but I understand she’s repeatedly asking if I’m ok. I say si repeatedly back and using the internationally recognised language of charades ask if she can help pick up my bike. We try but it’s too wedged. She shouts to the van and I’m relieved to see someone who’s as wide as they are tall. Although what he added to the mix was surprisingly little, the three of us watched wing mirror glass explode over the hard shoulder as we pulled the bike from the barrier. Still no popo?!! There were camera warnings on the sat nav continually as I was riding but could it be I crashed in between surveillance cams Just as the lovely Spanish couple asked me for the 20th time if I was ok Mr Slowly pulls up and the couple look relieved their responsibilities are over. I manage my tenth Muchos Gracias mixed with some weird namaste type thankyou which I can only think must be hard wired from the last time I thought I was going to cark it and had to thank some Nepalese mountain man Mr Slowly is dubious about whether I’m ok but I insist the sweaty heavy breathing maniac he’s looking at is just my crash look “Did you see any debris on the carriageway?” “No.” “Good we need to get out of here fast.” I arrive at airport parking with the recent stupidity reeling around, dismount and have an overwhelming urge to vom but manage not to. The airport parking bitch of the “you pay ten euros for bike charge” fame is all over me repeatedly saying “you never pay” I didn’t know if she meant you didn’t pay last time or you don’t ever have to pay but I wasn’t in the mood for it. So I sent her away. Mr Slowly hadn’t received my text. The biker who passed me had seen the Enfield with a Brit plate and flagged him down onto the hard shoulder. The language barrier meant the message was a pointy fingered “AMIGO” and a slap on his side, looking like he fell and the word “GO” pointing back down the motorway implying I’d been hit, which of course put the wind up him. Good on the guy though ay. We got to the airport just in the nick of time after having eaten up the 3 hours leeway to pelt through security and passport control and find out the flight was slightly delayed, we arrived home on schedule like nothing had happened. I would never have considered stepping out onto the carriageway if it hadn’t been for my hearing aids. I think it was so deeply emotive to be given your hearing back and then the threat of having it taken away again, it bypasses the logical part of your brain which if it had had a look in would have said fuck no! I surprised myself, I’m well known for maintaining a psychopathic level of calm in stressful situations and don’t act before I think but I caught an eye opening glimpse of another world where not thinking see’s you finding a dumb way to die If you made it this far into a wall of text. Thanks for bothering to read it.

Had the grandkids this afternoon!

Is there a bike attached to that top box?

Some great pics pete, I just get the feeling you aren't going to be happy unless you find a corpse out in the desolate abandon wastes you visit. Managed my 64 mile commute to work and back yesterday on the bike in the sun.

Me and the wife have found a proper metal club it’s the kind of place where they kill you and let your body go cold before raping you had to wade 200 yards through scrubland to get to it reminds me of a hells angels club house of old. If I disappear tell the pigs the last place I was at was Metal Klub Croatia

Our balcony is over looking the pool , I have been on a mission this evening to find some Joke poo to put in it to watch em fish it out in the morning , can’t find none in any of the shops .. bugger . I have one other option to pull this off ….

I'm back in chez oneleg, I'm bloody knackered. Milan malpensa airport is amazing, it's like a work of art and there are works of art dotted about as well.

Well not really but I had to fuel up my bike this morning and as the fuel station is only a mile from my house I always like to get a few miles under my belt rather than just do such a short journey. Had a bit of a trip down memory lane this morning, when me and my L Plate mates used to do a trip of the 4 local motorcycle dealers every Saturday morning to see what they had. Of course they are all gone now but it was good to do the circuit just the same. After the loop we used to go and hang at Polmear Cafe until kicked out then headed to St Blaise Park to wait for the football. Couldn’t even get in there now all locked up. Never like that back in the day. I also popped down to Porthpean Beach to have a look. Also found a lot of these things hanging around different spots in St Awful Finally a little gift left on my phone from my Darling 18 year old daughter mental cow, as I tell her often. Sorry Pete found no corpses.

Yes i was thinking that myself for a while. There was a good crowd there later they dimmed the lights by taking the tubes out, the seating was minimal consisting of random chairs wooden beams and milk crates and the beer was a can that ran out quickly and one keg. the wife is feeling it this morning no life in her at all lol

Our gift to the world, but are the buggers grateful? Bit worried about the nasty looking knife in your picture! Even more worried about why it is resting on a jar.

You da man

........and God knows some of you need it, then I'm here to help! Because I actually got out for a few hours today as we're not having the grandkids! So I was pretty much free till I leave for Guadix at 7PM. I crossed into Murcia and found some abandoned shit to brighten my day up. Things feel right on the bike now cos I've got my Top Box on.......and it came in handy later on when it warmed up, cos I could take my jumper off rather than sweat my nuts off! You can get three seasons in a day here and with a Top Box you know you've got it covered regarding clothing. And it was great not to have water bottles hanging out of jacket pockets anymore! Anyway......sit back in awe and see how it's done! Not too good a surface most of the time but I managed to wobble across it like a Bruce! Deserted shit everywhere......the fucking place don't even have a name! Bit more wobbling needed...... Then I managed to get back on tarmac...... But not for long...... Epic shit as you can see....... As I've said before, it's good to have the peace of mind that you're on a Honda when you're in some seriously remote place! So there we go........remember that anyone is welcome to come over and tag along! I don't discriminate! Obviously, if you don't think you're up to it, then you can always just carry on trolling and bullshitting on the Net. The choice is yours!

She a drug smuggler , panniers full of class A … has to be .. she’s loaded

Even I, and believe me I love where I am from, am getting fed up with with the daily grind in Britain at the moment. I would happily move abroad now. If it were on the cards I would chose either Ireland or one of the Scandies, or possibly rural Belgium. I’m not good in the heat.

Because that ranking was done by the British

Fresh snow grabs...mmmmm! It's gonna be yummy.

Nice pics. Shame the topbox brought my lunch back up Missing Spain so much. Did you know it recently placed 4th as most desired place to live, only Switzerland, Canada and somewhere else I can’t remember ranked higher. Britain ranked 27th

It’s bigger than my trailer.

Them things contagious or something?

Why not? The misses throws a wobbly when I use the glass I've been drinking out of , soft drink tumbler for example. Apparently "its not the same if you don't use a wine glass", taste the same to me.

Well it would make for a good Ride Report Saul!

Happy Sunday @Six30 I’ve just read something about Spanish residency that might interest you. Residency is not entirely closed if your incomes considered high enough. Theres a thing called a Non-lucrative Visa where if you can show proof of income above a certain threshold you can apply for a residence visa. At the moment this is £23,225 for the main applicant and £5805 for your partner per annum. So you don’t have to go down the Golden visa route (which they are considering scrapping) or invest. Just prove you have an income and would not become a burden to the govt. https://www.healthplanspain.com/blog/expat-tips/1129-non-lucrative-visas-spain.html https://www.healthplanspain.com/blog/expat-tips/1129-non-lucrative-visas-spain.html

and put a bag over your head you ugly cunt.

I see Paris Hilton still hasn’t got her shades back. Have fun!

Enjoy your week at work twats

I was so inspired that I got dressed today, been dossing about in my PJ,s most of the last 6 days.

Always cracks me up.

Englishman: "That your Dog"..?? Welshman: "Aye". Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..?? Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.” Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..?? Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks". Welshman: (Look of Shock). Englishman: Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing at the Welshman). Dog: "Yep." Englishman: How's He Treating You"..?? Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play." Welshman: (Look of Total Disbelief). Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Horse"..?? Welshman: "Horse Don't Talk”. Englishman: "Hey Horse how's it Going"..?? Horse: "Cool, Thanks". Welshman: (Extreme Look of Shock). Englishman: "Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing to the Welshman). Horse: "Yep." Englishman: "How's He Treating You"..?? Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he Rides me, Brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice Stable to protect me from the Weather." Welshman: (Now a Look of Total Amazement). Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Sheep"..?? * Welshman: "That Sheep's a bloody Liar”..

Yeah it was talking about my L Plate mates that reminded me of it, Peaches and the album itself was the soundtrack of the summer for us. Down at the Beaches looking at the Peaches.

Yet it's still filling up.

Went to have a coffee with a mate in the morning, lasted until midday. Saw a family arriving on motorcycles, parents on a R1200RT and a young guy on a Yamaha 125cc, that was very cool to see. Plenty of dad and daughters out of little sunday morning rides. I liked that. Then home for lunch as it was starting to get properly warm. Now gathering the strength to get up the sofa and clean the house, make the bed again with newly washed linens, and leave it all nice for when I leave in the morning.

Maybe he was a bit too much of mirror for Adolf.

There is probably a family of dago midgets living in there.

Apparently after Hitler met Franco he told his people that he never wished to see him again cos he was so fucking awful. Says it all when Hitler thinks you're awful!

True mate, I was wondering if all my old mates and I met up to do that again if we would behave any better and I really don’t reckon we would . Nothing like a group of old codgers unleashed . In the summer us L Platers we used to stay at Polmear Cafe playing Asteroids with the Jukebox on the go trying to pull a holidaymaker until thrown out, then race over to Highway Cafe until thrown out of there. Spent bleddy hours doing it. If we were flush and feeling a bit brave we used to go down to the Wimpy at Crinnis Beach and then into the Amusement Arcade. Always risky as the St Austell lads didn’t like us St Blazey boys much. Had many dust ups with them but there were only 15 or so of us, there were many more townies so it depended if they were mobbed up or not as to the outcome. Also one way in and one way out of Crinnis Beach.

Oh and bonus apparently it then works anywhere in the Schengen area.

Filled up a bit now so lots of witnesses got to be honest it’s fucking awesome takes me back to my late teens, what looked like terrorists and murderers when we we first arrived have turned into the nicest people I have met. fucking amazed that everyone speaks great English here

Fucking state on that Gammon!

Just getting back from the bike shops...did all three. That bm cruiser sure looks like that would cook your leg on a hot summer day.

I probably drink faster than some - don't recall the beer getting all that warm. Maybe a I have a drinking problem - I dunno.

...and get some sun on those legs fer fucks sake.

It's not very often I turn back except when the road ends, I did today. This was just by Santarem which is the regional capital city. Santarém is right on top of a hill with a very high and nice view to the inland of Portugal and the Tejo river. There are obviously streets, roads and even motorways to go that way, but I somehow found myself on a very steep dirt road that had a very deep water carved trench right in the middle. I managed to wedge the front wheel on a rut to prevent it from slipping down and went to take a look by foot. The dirt was sort of crumbling and I could really see myself slipping onto the middle rut, which was deep enough to wedge the cylinders and leave the front wheel in the air. Since that was what I was picturing it was probably what was going to happen, so slowly put the bike down, turned it 90º and back I went with my tail between my legs.

Thanks for posting some actual bike content !