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As we are all coming from different directions we met at a Greene King pub near Portsmouth Port on Sunday evening. There was a lot excitement, roast dinners and chat. We board seamlessly at 23.00, exchange cabin numbers in case of emergency (no mobile reception) and get straight into our cabins, we dock at 6.30am french time (5.30am uk time), my alarm goes off at 4.30am and I instantly think - who’s stupid idea was this South West Caen (Ouistreham) Port obviously not in 7hrs 33 mins as it was an overnight ferry. Off the ferry and five mins to a cafe right next to the port for a quick croissant, a chat about the route, riding in France and to allow the ferry traffic to dissipate. Glad I had my ipad on hand to show the priorite a driote signage as only one person was familiar with it and they appeared often on our ‘no-motorway’ cross country route! It’s grey, rainy, not the most fun for riding and no matter how hard I try the pace is a bit too slow to be fun but it takes folk time to warm up to riding on the other side of the road when you’re not familiar with it and I’m kind of glad I’m not dealing with any kamikaze riders. Quirky little house over three floors, surrounded by grape vines, as you’d expect in the Loire Valley. We arrive in Sancerre far too late to tour the vineyard which is a bit of a shame but after so little sleep on the ferry everyone is exhausted. The day has stretched out far beyond all comprehension and with a supermarket stop to pick up some steaks we only make it to the house after 7pm. Another friend joins us at this point ready to party and finds us all in zombie mode I may have avoided taking everyone into Paris but the cross country route was not without a price to pay!

Some fine wine, hot food, good sleep and by the next morning most were raring to ride over the border to the Swiss part of Lake Genèva for a bit of lunch and snap a pic with Mont Blanc in the background. Of course it’s end of the ski season so a lot is shut and lunch turned into a vending machine affair Whilst enjoying the lake our ‘on the spectrum’ friend (there’s always at least one in every group isn’t there ) whacked out three different water colour paintings of my mates house in under two hours! It was gorgeous out there Still a bit chilly from the mountain air we opted for quick showers, warm jackets and Kir Royals to warm the cockles. This was followed by far too much wine, we were still laughing about what we couldn’t remember the next morning

One more evening of multiple courses, fine wines, cheeses and lots of laughing, the next day we start the journey back to the ferry. This was a tough day. We had stayed up late, used up all our fun tokens and were tired before we even headed off to our first stopover approx 6 hours away (at thats without adding in any breaks n fuelling). Cue the one person who ignored the request to make sure you have a phone with plenty of data that works in France and Switzerland or some sort of sat nav getting split up from the group and completely lost. This led to 1-2 hours circling back and fourth in the shittiest section of the journey in very jammed traffic trying to find them. It was hot, everyones clutch’s were having a good ol’ workout in the stop, start and stop traffic and the frustration of finally getting to the guessed location and not seeing the missing person was starting to get the best of everyone. After a very broken call and a dropped pin being sent by nabbing some free wifi we were reunited. On the left - Miss Lost n Clueless in Geneva and at the very back a rider about to pelt accross the car park and throttle the guilty party With some whip cracking we made it to the only supermarket in Gien still open on a Saturday evening with just 10 mins to spare (who knew a lot of France shuts at Saturday lunch time ) then over to ‘Villa Hotel’ which was in the style of a Spanish Motel, cheap at £33 a person, with parking right outside your door, very clean, smelling of fresh linen with copious amounts of very hot water and decent water pressure Everyone collapsed into bed after an 11 hour day but they were all up ready to go early. Which is good as this is ferry day and so far we’ve missed all our daily eta’s by hours! The next day we make good time. The slower group member has sped up, no one gets lost, everyone follows the instructions to fuel up at each stop regardless of whether they think they should or not, everyone DID pick up ambient food at the supermarket to speed things up and everyone is getting back on their bikes quickly after stops - miracle! We get one stopping point away from the port and have made such good time there’s hours to spare! As it’s Sunday afternoon and the supermarket’s shut, we decide to take a longer break and a classy style impromptu late lunch sitting on the car park floor. The tarmac is warm, the food and sun is having a very soporific effect. One by one in this warm deserted spot everyone succumbs to a snooze in the sun, who knew the a car park could be so comfortable. Someone kindly took a pic of me with my waterproofs round my knee’s dozing like a hobo waiting for an ambulance, friends ay We arrive at the ferry fairly happy. One of the group has spent the whole week saying they’d like a smoke while waiting for the ferry (even though they gave up 20 years ago), some snacking saucisson sec was handed around to see if that would fit the bill.. although nowadays it’s classed as being as carcinogenic as smoking I then realise we all left reality behind long ago As usual we can’t go to our cabins as the turnaround is so fast they are still being cleaned.. but the bars open.. what a brilliant last night on the ferry together. Usually at the end of a group trip everyone is a bit tired of each others company and just want to get home but there was something in the air and the announcement of a silent disco in the bar had two of the less inhibited in the group up and dancing in an instant. It was so very funny to watch their moves on a silent dance floor, soon others were joining in and a bit of vino later the silent disco wasn’t quite so silent anymore with raucous singing and even some of an initially rather sneery group of men unable to hold back getting headphones on and joining in, sometimes people just about manage to get out of their own way and have a good time The next morning we aren’t so chipper. We say goodbye on the vehicle deck as there’s not really a pulling over point after security. Little did we know as we trickled off in different directions all focused on getting ourselves home that one group member had been detained by counter-terrorism who wanted to know why she had been near the Afghan border last year, fortunately he had just obtained his full bike license so the conversation was mostly taken up with what his first big bike should be Fini.

The next day as my nervous friend has now warmed up about the whole road riding abroad thing we planned a mix of motorway and a beautiful gorge to ride through. However this was not to be, an accomplished enduro rider she is but looking down fumbling for your card at the motorway toll booth meant a quick slap down and a broken clutch lever. A side of the road bodge with some epoxy resin and duct tape and eventually we were away again, but we had lost a lot of time and the dodgy clutch lever meant a change from the scenic route to the most direct that required the least number of gear changes was needed. It was an odd ride and was a mix of these two routes which look similar but there’s quite a time difference so with the unscheduled break and fuel stops we again arrive much later than anticipated after a fairly uninspiring ride. We arrive on the French Swiss border in the Alps next to Lake Geneva as late as can be (although still daylight so thats a bonus) fortunately to a great host who’s wisely greeted us with beer and a slow cooked delight able to withstand random acts of extreme lateness He also has a workshop and ta da daa a spare lever

Finished now. Next job, get in the loft and chuck out some of the tons of shit up there while she's not looking . Anyone want a nice top, the label inside says 'Harley Davidson '

Another four course meal and a good nights sleep meant the next day everyones up for a ride over to a different side of Lake Genveva where three of the crazier in the group who are into open water swimming can freeze their tits off in 11 degree water! I had a nice cup of tea at the cafe and watched from the sidelines Nut jobs Then back for a warm up, pick up the minibus over to Yvoire. A beautiful place with a 14th century medival town. Of course a lot of parts are far more modern.. as recent as the 17th century Saw this tree and immediately thought of Michelle The clear water and bright greens and blues there were beautiful. Even if the sunlight made me squint hard

Mostly it went well regards to staying together. I did have to keep pulling over though because there was one rider that was slower and it kept splitting the group into two to the extent I lost sight of them for too long . The route on the first day from the ferry was too complicated. It was a pain to have to concentrate on the many, many turns and just increased the chances of losing someone. After that I altered the routes and it was dandy. The thing I struggled with was getting people back on their bikes after a break. I now understand why the lead person just gets on their bike and goes, it’s a silent kick up the arse! I also struggled a bit to find joy riding at the lower speeds. There probably are more bike pics, lots were taken, they just haven’t surfaced yet!

After a restorative breakfast and to blow the cobwebs away a mountain walk seemed in order (transported by mini bus as who knows what everyones blood alcohol level was at that point). I dipped out of this walk as I’d accumulated too much work that wouldn’t wait and there was a mild threat of losing the flat in Bristol if I didnt act quickly - that just couldn’t happen! So these are not my pics. Knew I was missing out but damn! A vertiginous walk not for the faint hearted On a bear hunt, but they left no clues..

Ironing is so yesterday. The modern woman knows how to hang clothing and fold it properly to avoid ironing

My view today, a woman’s work is never done

There are help lines, Bob. You’re not alone! It’s not 1940 anymore.

Clutchless shifting isn’t alien to her, we discussed it, she was an enduro rider for donkeys but that was only the second time she’d ridden a road bike and wasn’t at all familiar with it. Epoxy and duct tape seemed a good move.

Yep, I'm instructed to iron all the towels

Listening to "the best of" on the way home from Mandis place of work this morn.

Little ride around Utah, Nevada and California with the incontinent bunch (BMW Club of Southern California). Chilly temps, little rain, some snow. Death Valley was a perfect ending to warm us all back up.

I had planned on leaving for Vegas on Thursday, but then read the weather report for Thursday.... >>>>For the north-central mountains (and front-range mountains), including areas near Eagle, Summit, Grand, ClearCreek, western Boulder/Larimer counties the main rain/snow event will be from 9pm Wed to 9am Fri (heaviest Thu afternoon / evening): 6-12" of new snow mostly above 9k ft, with up to 15" in areas near/along the Cont. Divide: Cameron Pass, RMNP, IPW, Berthoud Pass, Jones Pass, areas near Grays/Torreys, etc will be favored)<<<< Well fuck me runnin' - gonna have to leave on Wednesday morning to beat it outta the hills before the shit storm starts. As we live at 10,000', it's definitely not gonna be riding weather Thursday. Tomorrow's route. Will probably stay overnight at the Colorado / Utah state line just to kill some time. Wife is flying into Vegas on Friday and I don't want to get there too early...

You girls are in luck...lol...me and Aberdeen princess had another falling out. I think this time it's final....you're all welcome ...I have 3 road worthy bikes..2 harleys and 1 ktm.

I just think there's too much tech on bikes now, there's a problem with the touch screen on some of the newer Africa twins. The touch screen don't work and they cant get past the first screen (See Photo) when switching on the bike. Why the fuck you want a touch screen display on a motorcycle i haven't a clue, doesn't anyone enjoy riding a motorcycle on the open road anymore without all the crap distracting you

True! I'm just happy to be riding regardless of what bike it's on.

Yesterday’s dinner, or tea … carrot oven baked chips, steak (local cut, too thin but tasty meat) with egg on horseback, and Moroccan salad wanted potatoes but had none at home, had a couple of carrots, it was a delicious surprise.

About bloody time, what you say @Six30

FFS I have a lifestyle thats not maintained by fecking about on the internet in a fruitless fashion.. no matter how much I would prefer that option It’s on its way.

Thought that was @Slowlycatchymonkey ride report then … my bad

Well got to see my mates new to him bike today. I have got to say I am quite impressed. It needs some love but he has fixed the oil leak and it sounds as sweet as a nut. Just needs some cosmetic fettling and it is ready to go. He has also got the ad the seller bought the bike from in 1998 from Damerells. It came with a box full of spares as well.

So your just standing there looking over your wife’s shoulder while she irons

Is that why it took you two years to react?

I'm picturing Pete in the flat cleaning with this playing in his head

No- the Gold Thing. Will be riding two up with the wife on a couple of days in Vegas.

Vegas looks to be warm with highs around 35C ....

I’m amazed, a unicorn, a ride report! Good stuff, having a chef taking care of the evening is quite something else, such lovely houses you stayed in too! From the reading, I think you maybe would have enjoyed it more with three days each way instead of two long days?

The weekend after we were talking about following routes i was tail man with a group of newbies and they got lost after the first roundabout which was a few hundred yards after the start point i had to pass them all and get them back on track. i don't know what everyone was looking at but the lead man went left and everyone else went straight on. I know what you mean about too slow as well the group i was out with were so slow i found it physically exhausting following them with all the stopping and starting and where a little speed helps you over some terrain going slow was wearing me out

How did the route you planned go was it all fluid or did you have to go rounding people up now and again. Any photos of bikes that went

One bloke at the final destination who cooked a superb four course meal every evening. He was welcome to join us, sound as a pound he is, not an ounce of dickhead about him

That looks like a proper survivor, they were a very popular bike back in the day.

Looks very nice , cross country in France is much better than the Autoroute Tell your 'friend' that you don't necessarily need a clutch lever to change gear on a bike .

Oh yeh.....back in the 90's grey and parallel imports were a big thing. The height of the bars suggests it's a Yank one!

I refer you to my opening line……I like to keep it in reserve YOU CUNT.

You have to make sure she does it properly.

We went to the supermarket today and saw our friend Sonia who works there. She's grown very fond of Jake and she used to see him regularly.....Jake would run to her and hug her every time. I told my boy to ensure that Fatty took him in to say goodbye......but of course she didn't. She knows Sonia has been a good friend of ours since we came here, so probably doesn't like that connection. When we told her that he'd gone she was close to tears because she didn't have the chance to say goodbye to him. She always knew what the fat cunt was like, and now she's experienced it herself. When we told her that we spent three days cleaning up Fatty's shit and that Fatty had stolen items belonging to Paco her face changed into a woman's death stare! Spaniards are not good at hiding their feelings......even if you don't understand the language you're going to see it in their faces!

The midgets are waiting.

What Marcel said!

Brilliant report huge Janus.. a real man world motorcycle...sure beats going electric...

And you smell of wee.

its beyond me how you aint lost it with your boy and the fat cunt ....

Picked a car up from Blackbush, stopped at the airport cafe … Vickers Viking .. derived from the Wellington bomber , think they just brought this one here to restore …they was made just up the road from Blackbush