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Showing content with the highest reputation on 25/07/23 in all areas
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Ok I will give it a go. One of the advanced Paramedics I worked with was an ex marine who had seen his fair share of life and death, but great chap. I had to take him to change a blocked catheter for a bariatric patient in a local holiday camp which was housing allsorts of troubled people during the covid lockdown. In between calling our service and us arriving she had drunk half a bottle of whiskey, had happy fun times with one of the more troubled men living on site and shat herself. He had to go in and sort that and I had to chaperone. We were both ashen faced after that one.6 points
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I’ll kick it off with a midwife’s story I was told. Newly qualified and finally signed off for her very first solo birth with a lovely but not too bright couple she entered the room to find the labouring woman with her hand rummaging around down below. What are you doing? I’m trying to stretch it a bit so it doesn’t hurt. Umm no it doesn’t work like that you can stop. Things started ramping up and a particularly vicious contraction took hold. The new midwife is sat next to the head of the bed and at that point had her head turned away from the patient talking to the husband who was sensibly as far away as possible. She turned back to hold her hand and offer comfort at the same time the patients hand was reaching out. Her fingers landed landed directly in the Midwife’s mouth. Stunned by the grossness of what had just happened she unhooked her hand. Desperate to create a competent impression with the other staff she pretended it hadn’t happened and stayed for the rest of the labour knowing she had ingested a tiny bit of that woman’s vagina6 points
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Warning this might be a bit much for the lilly livered. Shit everywhere and immobile obese patients is a classic! They’re very slippery and creasy aren’t they! You’ll never see a Doc deal with that stuff though, they run a mile I had one where an immobile exploding bomb who was in a side room due to it being norovirus (and so infectious) splattered EVERYWHERE voluminously then in her angry desperate state transferred it from her hands onto my uniform while I was trying to help, when bent down removing her shit filled slippers… she touched my head and I had… shit streaked hair! Puts new meaning into a hairdo having shit streaks That was 20+ years ago and tbh I’m still not really over it5 points
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Easiest access for pervs and weirdos is getting a porters job. It’s the hospital equivalent of an invisibility cloak5 points
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Breaking news survivors of the 1976 heatwave can expect compensation and an apology from the met office for not issuing a warning telling them that the sun can be hot4 points
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I dunno, miss out on all the ‘Behind’ jokes from Trailing Behind? That’d be a damn shame. I see gay dago bum jokes, sodomy, gifs of women with massive arses trailing behind them and ailing oldies losing races n teeth. Sounds like a winner. Every month there could be a poll for ATOM for who wins ailment of the month. Where the winner would get a free pass to whinge about whatever bits failing them now.4 points
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This chap again, he was pensioned out of the marines with an injury so still in his 30's. Very gung ho and daft if there was a chance of adrenaline. We came across an Audi A3 on fire on an A30 slip road. I stopped 100 metres or so back ,set the beacons going (flashing lights) and called 999. Then I looked out the car window and action man was sprinting down the road and pulled open the Audi drivers door only to be engulfed by a cloud of flame as soon as the oxygen got in. I started thinking fuck fuck fuck and ran down to find him about 20 feet back on his back, no fringe, no eyebrows, with most of his beard gone but ok if a little singed. Absolute fucking idiot, I said to him after, what did he think he was doing the car was well ablaze with no sign of anyone inside and if they were they would have been long gone given the amount of smoke and fumes inside it. It was a nicked car that had been torched, as the police hinted at when they arrived. I suppose it was a very brave thing to do but he was very lucky. Of course I only gave control a very sanitised version of events and took him back to our base to sort himself out. I do miss working with him, interesting fella.3 points
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You can’t help but notice how unhappy the nurse on the left looks about having to do that!3 points
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Ewe that is nasty. I have a couple of tails to tell from driving out of hours clinicians around but nothing in that league. Saw a couple of things I would have rather not acting as a chaperone. I work as a GSA now which is sort of s cross between a Hospital Porter and Cleaner. I can vouch for the invisibility cloak unless somebody wants something.3 points
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Lots of dead bodies in the morgue though Buck, would be easy to swap a tagged one for one you need to disappear. If the body of someone already certified as dead did eventually surface from a shallow woodland grave it wouldn’t even be murder. Happy to help3 points
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You're gonna get a tide mark if you lower your blood pressure. You'll be pink up to about your nipples and pale from there to the top of your head unless you lay down.3 points
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Been to the Doc and she's prescribed a very low dose (10mg) of blood pressure tablets. According to my mate the Pharmacist, over half the population of the country (including people less than half my age) are on double that dose. So all things considered it's not too bad. The Doc has also sent me to have a blood test and ECG tomorrow to see if anything shows up that may be contributing to the blood pressure, But from what I can remember, my blood pressure was always slightly high......and that was way before that Polish psycho showed her fat fucking face.3 points
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The motorcycle forums surgery. Something broken, falling off or faulty. In hospital? Put that stuff here and we’ll laugh n tell you to pull yourself together, stop whining you pathetic wimp. There is a chance of some accidental empathy and terrible advice but don’t let that put you off, someone will be along sharpish to let you know it happened because you’re a twat. Post your Dr appointment, medical disasters and bizarre ailments here for as little help as we can muster. Any stories welcome. They don’t have to be current or yours.2 points
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Get them to x-ray your head...affaid there might be a little shrinkage goings-on up there...just to be safe..2 points
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I think it's made in Germany, inside the EU, so no customs problems? Weird you can't get it.2 points
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Thing is the things that went into the gravel trap also got out again, reckon you need something more secure, I dunno what, maybe a ridicule worthy locking bike trailer would work better as a thread? Summing like this would have better opportunities for abuse.. “Trailing Behind”2 points
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Honestly that is very much the best course of action. Doesn’t really matter if it’s always been high or the reasons why it’s where it is because you don’t get different guage pipes if you have high blood pressure, it’s the same flimsy crap we all have and lowering your BP is going to really reduce the chances of those pipes popping. Glad you got something prescribed2 points
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The only things that you're qualified to advise on is graveyards, weird friends, and weird music Yen.2 points
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Yerp. Porters can go pretty much everywhere in a hospital without anyone giving it a second thought and because the class system still faintly prevails and it’s got a bit of a military ranking thing left over from the past often no-one up the chain even acknowledges they’re there, you look at the ID see the word porter and carry on!1 point
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Watching "Somewhere Between" on Netflix! Involves time travel......which is my thing! Always has been since I saw Rod Taylor in "The Time Machine" as a kid!1 point
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