Tango

I had to use the toilet on a transatlantic flight one time for a shit. I flushed the toilet and the little flap dropped down and there were the usual sucking and whooshing noises ( you'll know what I mean if you've used an airplane bog) and the flap swung back up with my turd still firmly attached! I tried a couple more flushes, but it wasn't letting go! In the end I had to wrap some bog roll around my hand and give it a nudge whilst flushing, which did the trick, but by this time there was a reasonable queue outside waiting to use the bog. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone as I made my way back to my seat!

Another thing about Frank that used to make us laugh was that every now and then he'd get sent to a job in Essex. So Frank would drive up from his home and through the Dartford tunnel to get to the job. That was all ok, but on the way back he'd drive into London and go through Blackwall tunnel to get home, which was the long way back. Frank was an ex paratrooper, but he was afraid of heights, so he wouldn't drive back over the QEII bridge at Dartford because it was too high!

Quality!

Agreed, not a bad song on the album.

I was thinking earlier about some of the characters that I've worked with over the years and some of the things they've done or we've done. One story that I remembered had me laughing to myself: In my last company there was an engineer that was originally from South London, but he now lives on the south coast. Frank was in the paratroopers for a while before he had a career change. He was a couple of years older than me. Frank isn't that tall, but he is as broad as he is tall and there doesn't seem to be a discernible neck attaching his shaved head to his body! Anyway, Frank used to occasionally get sent from his home at the seaside to jobs in London, which he absolutely hated. He'd get the train up to the city, get the job done as quickly as possible and head back to his haven. One day he had a job in St Thomas' Hospital on the South Bank, opposite the houses of Parliament. It didn't go well and he was there all day and into the evening. When he left the hospital he was in an absolutely foul mood and tramped back towards Waterloo Station to get the train home. On the walk back he was approached by a young guy who pulled a knife and demanded Frank's wallet. Frank squared up to the youth, glowering at him and snarled "do I look like a fucking victim to you?!!" The lad stared at Frank for a second, with his mouth open, then turned around and ran away! Frank was a lovely guy, but you didn't want to get on the wrong side of him!

So as not to keep hijacking Yen's Stories thread I thought that I'd start a kind of parallel thread for people's funny stories. Many of us have been around for a good long time and seen and heard all sorts of funny stuff. So, to lighten the mood, let's hear your stories and anecdotes.

What phone mount are you using and would you recommend it?

I've used yahoo mail for years and had no bother with it.........so far!

Awesome.

The late, great Terry Pratchett.

So, my phone camera won't hack it then! But, seriously, thanks for your comprehensive answer. I used to see posts on Facebook from a group that concentrate on photography of the Milky Way and some of their photos of the Pillars of Creation and the various Nebulae were amazing, but it took some really serious kit to get those photos. Unfortunately I don't see their posts in my feed anymore, but I'm loving your shots of the Milky Way.

I dedicate this one to @Swagman

There's a lot of industrial action going on at the DVLA at the moment and lots of expats here are inundating them with requests for Certificates of Conformity so that they can exchange their driving licences for French ones.

There was a certain inevitability about it. It seems that over-promising and under-delivering is a bit of a genetic trait here. Most people I've met here have been lovely, so I guess it's their desire to please that just blows up in their faces on many occasions. And hiding from the fall-out is the other trait.

Love these Milky Way pics. What gear do you use to capture them? Obviously my phone camera or 10 year old Lumix would not be up to the job!

Missus got her car back, but the rear light cluster hasn't been replaced and the passenger door mirror won't adjust properly now. And the dealer is ignoring her messages! She says that she's going to set one of her colleagues onto them later if she hears nothing back soon!

Wow Yen, you need to talk, mate!

My missis' daughter had an Aprilia 125 scoot that gave no end of problems. In the end it developed an electrical fault that we couldn't get to the bottom of, so she sold it as a non-runner. Funnily enough though, apparently it was some special edition or something, so the guy who bought it paid more for it than what my missus paid for it as a runner!

People here have to change to the new card irrespective of their old card, if they have one. It's causing all sorts of issues because some folk who had the previous one that had an indefinite time limit still think that they don't need to change them, in spite of the French government posting all sorts of adverts advising that they do need to be changed! A fair number of older people, who are not on social media, are going to fall foul of this. There's also a good bit of misinformation circulating that isn't helping the situation.

A box of matches job?

We've been through that, Pete. A file of documents that had to be submitted and then a trip to Carcassonne to hand in passport style photos and have our fingerprints done. But we've got the cards now, so it's all good for the next 5 years.

My biggest gripe at the moment is concerning the transfer of the private pension fund from my last employer. I've been retired for a year now and they're still fucking me about! First it was the pension administrators who took forever to respond to my Independent Financial Adviser and then put up as many obstacles as they could. Once we got around that they then said that they've passed it on to the pension trustees, who are ignoring everyone! I've even got my old manager at the company to put pressure on the payroll manager to get things sorted, but nothing! Fortunately I've got other private pensions that are paying out, so I'm not skint, but I'm fully expecting the chancellor of the exchequer to start looking at ways to get his hands on some of the money in private pensions soon and I'd rather get all the money transferred to my overseas fund than see a big chunk get grabbed by those bastards! Anyway, that's what's gripping my shit at the moment!

There must be something happening to you at the moment that makes you shout FFS!! Get it off your chest here. You may get some sympathy and encouragement, but likely you'll just get called a cunt, however, you'll likely feel better whichever!

The courtesy car that my missus had recently had the lane keeping assist or whatever it's called. In the end we turned it off (although it turned itself back on each time the ignition was turned on) because it would wobble and tug the steering wheel, not only when changing lanes or overtaking, but often when there was some tarmac banding in the road! The last straw was when I was overtaking a cyclist. I was indicating, mainly to warn the vehicles behind, and moved over the white line to give him plenty of room, but the haptic feedback really tugged the steering back. So, if they think that the technology is there for this kind of thing I think there's still a way to go yet.