Slowlycatchymonkey

GYLP! New abbreviation save me having to type Get Yourself Laid Pete! every third post

Not a goer while herniated obviously @XTreme but perhaps something to think about for later. I’m just going to leave this here.. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/jul/25/best-exercise-lowering-blood-pressure-planks-wall-sits-study

Don’t think if that was me I’d be posting pics online of me in the middle of a nazi salute.

Nah. Put on some scrubs and a porters ID, wheel a gurney out to your trailer and wheel the body into the morgue for a quick swap. The woods you use must be getting chockablock by now, shallow graves aren’t wise.

Thought Yen’s name would get a mention soon enough!

Genders ok, age is wrong!

You can’t help but notice how unhappy the nurse on the left looks about having to do that!

Warning this might be a bit much for the lilly livered. Shit everywhere and immobile obese patients is a classic! They’re very slippery and creasy aren’t they! You’ll never see a Doc deal with that stuff though, they run a mile I had one where an immobile exploding bomb who was in a side room due to it being norovirus (and so infectious) splattered EVERYWHERE voluminously then in her angry desperate state transferred it from her hands onto my uniform while I was trying to help, when bent down removing her shit filled slippers… she touched my head and I had… shit streaked hair! Puts new meaning into a hairdo having shit streaks That was 20+ years ago and tbh I’m still not really over it

Well when you’ve figured out how to anonymise them enough do tell!

Lots of dead bodies in the morgue though Buck, would be easy to swap a tagged one for one you need to disappear. If the body of someone already certified as dead did eventually surface from a shallow woodland grave it wouldn’t even be murder. Happy to help

Yerp. Porters can go pretty much everywhere in a hospital without anyone giving it a second thought and because the class system still faintly prevails and it’s got a bit of a military ranking thing left over from the past often no-one up the chain even acknowledges they’re there, you look at the ID see the word porter and carry on!

Easiest access for pervs and weirdos is getting a porters job. It’s the hospital equivalent of an invisibility cloak

I’ll kick it off with a midwife’s story I was told. Newly qualified and finally signed off for her very first solo birth with a lovely but not too bright couple she entered the room to find the labouring woman with her hand rummaging around down below. What are you doing? I’m trying to stretch it a bit so it doesn’t hurt. Umm no it doesn’t work like that you can stop. Things started ramping up and a particularly vicious contraction took hold. The new midwife is sat next to the head of the bed and at that point had her head turned away from the patient talking to the husband who was sensibly as far away as possible. She turned back to hold her hand and offer comfort at the same time the patients hand was reaching out. Her fingers landed landed directly in the Midwife’s mouth. Stunned by the grossness of what had just happened she unhooked her hand. Desperate to create a competent impression with the other staff she pretended it hadn’t happened and stayed for the rest of the labour knowing she had ingested a tiny bit of that woman’s vagina

The motorcycle forums surgery. Something broken, falling off or faulty. In hospital? Put that stuff here and we’ll laugh n tell you to pull yourself together, stop whining you pathetic wimp. There is a chance of some accidental empathy and terrible advice but don’t let that put you off, someone will be along sharpish to let you know it happened because you’re a twat. Post your Dr appointment, medical disasters and bizarre ailments here for as little help as we can muster. Any stories welcome. They don’t have to be current or yours.

Ooh now one story per episode I like the sound of that! Pick it up and put it down without a recap type stuff?

I dunno, miss out on all the ‘Behind’ jokes from Trailing Behind? That’d be a damn shame. I see gay dago bum jokes, sodomy, gifs of women with massive arses trailing behind them and ailing oldies losing races n teeth. Sounds like a winner. Every month there could be a poll for ATOM for who wins ailment of the month. Where the winner would get a free pass to whinge about whatever bits failing them now.

Thing is the things that went into the gravel trap also got out again, reckon you need something more secure, I dunno what, maybe a ridicule worthy locking bike trailer would work better as a thread? Summing like this would have better opportunities for abuse.. “Trailing Behind”

Bit reductive isn’t it? A falling apart thread would be more useful on this forum

Honestly that is very much the best course of action. Doesn’t really matter if it’s always been high or the reasons why it’s where it is because you don’t get different guage pipes if you have high blood pressure, it’s the same flimsy crap we all have and lowering your BP is going to really reduce the chances of those pipes popping. Glad you got something prescribed

Saw this a while ago but it’s still feckin funny

Hmm the cool uncle, not a role I saw you in but perhaps the Triumph should of been a giveaway

Cheers Earache!

Breakfast. Smoked salmon scrambled eggs with a good glug of double cream on black garlic buttered muffins.

And kettle ‘cooked’ cheesecake. I say kettle cooked but it’s a cheats cheesecake using crushed digestive and the cheesecake topping is the uncooked type. The kettle was used to melt the butter for the base and the raspberry jam for the rapsberry topping. This one was really liked. Kettle cooked Raspberry and Lime Cheesecake I doubled the thickness of the biscuit base as I always find I wish it was thicker and I reduced the topping and added raspberries so it wasn’t cloying like some cheescakes are. Would I actually make this riding riding and stopping in hotels? Yes if arriving somewhere with time to spare, it was easy peasy and doesn't require carrying any special equipment.

Kettle cooked meatballs in a red wine and onion soup n mash. My first bit of raw meaty stuff kettle cooked. Tasted good but terrible photo soz. Doing it again I’d bolster the flavour with chilli or spring onion or even just a stock cube, it wasn’t quite robust enough but it’s easily rectified next time. I halved and flattened the meatballs to make sure they would cook through effectively. The mash was quite a surprise I remember instant mash having a funny taste so I haven’t eaten it since I was at primary school but this although not like real mash was god in a different way.