Renegade

So a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss. She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email: Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce. The email said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it.Thanks a lot.! Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar!

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper and orders a cold beer. As he’s sipping it, he suddenly watches the guy next to him stroll over to the window… and jump right out! “Good grief! Did you see that!? That man just jumped out the window!” The bartender doesn’t even blink. Shaken, the man takes another sip. A minute later, the same guy walks back in, sits down, orders another drink, finishes it, and jumps out the window again. The man shouts, “Are you kidding me!? He did it again!” Still, the bartender says nothing. The guy comes back into the bar and orders another drink. Finally, the man asks, “How on earth are you surviving those jumps?” The guy grins and says, “Oh, it’s this special drink. If you finish it fast enough, you can float.” Excited, the man orders the same “floatie” drink, chugs it, runs to the window, jumps out… and SPLAT—straight onto the sidewalk. The bartender sighs and says: “Superman… you’re a real jerk when you’ve been drinking

I've been getting about 6 facebook messages from him every day since he was suspended. really doing my head in.

I told him I had "No idea"

He's messaged me asking what time his ban will be lifted.

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest: “Forgive me father for I have sinned”. “What have you done?” asked the priest. “A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a while with the librarian, a young attractive single girl, then one thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with her”. The man stopped talking but kept weeping. “Well don’t cry, it’s a sin but it is not that bad. You should say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven”. Said the priest. “But it doesn't end there” the man kept sobbing. “a few days later my elderly neighbor asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalized and she couldn't send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with the old lady” the man cried. “Oh dear well that makes it harder indeed, but still - you should say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven” Said the priest. “Oh I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well” the man cried. “Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought” said the priest. “So what should I do father?” the man asked. “Well” answered the priest, “you should get the fuck out of here before it starts raining!”.