Renegade

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.The next morning he reported to his father.Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

OK, so… naked running. Apparently, this means running without GPS, music, or any other tech. I really wish I knew that an hour ago... Now I’m in the back of a cop car on my way to the station.

Last night I ordered a drink with dinner, and to my surprise, the waiter asked for my ID. Slightly flattered, I smiled and asked, “Do I really look that young?” He replied, “No, I just wanted to see if you qualified for the senior citizen discount.”

And I did

Who's Online 1 Member, 1 Anonymous, 623 Guests @ 10.40 this morning.

A very famous female American celebrity, who had a reputation for having been very promiscuous throughout her career, is about to have her 40th birthday, and decides that she needs some plastic surgery. So, she visits her plastic surgeon, and tells him that she wants her face lifted, her boobs perked up and her pussy lips reduced in size, because they've become very loose and floppy. Because of the embarrassment if the press found out, she insists that the surgery be kept completely secret. Of course the surgeon agrees to keep her treatment completely confidential and tells her that everyone involved will be made to sign a confidentiality contract. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery, the woman finds 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she sends for the doctor. She says, "I thought I told you not to tell anyone about my surgery!" The surgeon reassures her that he had fully complied with her wish for total secrecy. He explains that the first rose was from him because, "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." Then he tells her, "The second rose is from my nurse", "She assisted with the surgery and empathized with you because she had the very same procedure a few years ago, and knew what you were going through." She says, "And what about the third rose?" "That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit." "He just wanted to say thank you for his new ears."

I met an attractive 60 year old woman at a bar last night. She was very sexy looking I thought to myself if she has a daughter she wouldn't look too bad either. We had a few drinks together and then she asked me if I'd ever had a thing called a Sportsman's Double? "What's that?" I asked. "It's a mother and daughter threesome," she replied. I was really thinking this could be my lucky night so we drank a little more. Then we went back to her place. When we got in the front door I couldn't contain my excitement and then she shouts up stairs, "MOTHER, ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?"

So here I am, squinting at the computer, my eye is still a bit swollen. So, "What happened?", you say... Well it was like this .... My wife, lovely woman that she is, apparently thought that our sex life needed a bit of "spicing up." So, unbeknownst to me mind you, she went out and bought a peephole bra and crotchless panties lingerie set. Then yesterday evening, after she cooked my favourite meal and sharing a really nice bottle of wine, we were sitting in the lounge relaxing with some more wine and watching a movie. After a while I noticed that she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs, and it was then that, on closer inspection, I first saw the new panties she was wearing. Somewhat surprised I asked her, “Are you wearing crotchless panties?” She answered me, somewhat huskily, “Y-e-s darling, I was wondering when you'd notice.....” So I said, “Thank God!" "For a minute there I thought you were sitting on the cat!” I never even saw it coming !!!

AN ADULT FAIRY TALE: Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what: Metal,Wood, Stone Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth. THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away, sadly. The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed. And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after Question: What was in the Prince's pants? M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What on earth were you thinking? I WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!