Renegade

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth: The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion... After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. His dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of him.. Dad orders the biggest, strongest drink for the boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent, then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father shocked, begs the son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoop! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant! "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.. Swoop! Two legs pop out... The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thank god... The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.. then to the right, right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says! "That boy should have quit while he was a head

Like always, we're here for you Lyn.

Mine and Gails sincere condolences Lyn.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William… that little bastard's name is Kevin."

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked : "Is my time up ?" God said : "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth ! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded : "God, you said I had another 33 years to live ? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance ?" God replied : "I didn't recognize you.......... !!!!!"

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”

Paddy takes his mates back to see his new flat, and after a few more beers one of the lads asks him whats the big brass gong hanging on the wall, Paddy says, "Its my speaking clock"! "How does it work?" his mate asks. "I'll show you", and Paddy hits it full pelt with a claw hammer, A voice from next door yells"Ffs it’s twenty to three in the morning!!"