Pedro

Read until the end, it's long over! This is a weird ride report.

There's nothing like that in Europe. I had to look up what they are, and turns up they are beautiful and can give you proper food poisoning, I like it!

I've finished my wine over dinner, like the church says. I'm on tea now, you alcoholics!

Seems kind of low for such a touring bike with knee guards.

What’s the range on that, riding smoothly and on a long trip?

This is what you want for a scooter, proper basket.

You’ve managed to fill half a glass without losing any from the bottle. That’s drinking skills!

That looks horrible, Marcel!

Just spent the better part of three hours taking off, and cleaning, my car's blower motor. It's been intermittently making an annoying whirr. Now, I managed to clean a lot of black soot and it looks brand new, but have gone from an intermittent whirr to what sounds like an angry bobcat stuck inside a box

Elefant?

That sounds like it needs perfecting.

Please don’t get a Vespa

You take a standard road bike, turn it offroady, then you get a Ducati Scrambler. But then you have too much grapa on a friday night, and you take the street bike turned offroady, and make it into a cafe racer with a fairing. Next, they’ll take the cafe racer with a fairing and make it more offroady again, and then …

Or, proper left field

I got it, it’s a Moto Guzzi getting the model is way too much to expect.

Country of origin?

Tearing up a golf course is fun on anything. It should have a Citroen Traction Avant body for extra comedy effect

1979… not a BMW, but kind of…

Light a fuel station on fire, and still you wouldn’t match the fuel consumption on that thing

There’s something really great about boxers, though, appart from good traction on slippery surfaces, good torque, and sounding great at full chat, and that’s not having a 270° crank to put on silly internet articles.

It’s a 2000cc bike with no space for a pillion? Even hipsters like to get laid!

Nothing on that list is 45 years old, Bob!

Another one, maybe one or two after that.