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Slowlycatchymonkey

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Doctor where shall i put my pants during the examination ? 

 

Just put them over there next to mine.

 

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Greater Manchester Police have reported finding a man's body in the River Irwell at Old Trafford.

The dead man's name will not be released until his family have identified the body.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption.

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a Harley Davidson T-shirt

he also had a large cucumber inserted in his rectum.

The police have removed the Harley Davidson T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

In spite of what we sometimes think...

The Police do care...

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Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls' getaway trip, shopping, casinos, massages, and facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.

Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who'?"

I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over... On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want.

So here I am."

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An anonymous Scottish inventor has created the first ever engine that runs off fully sustainable Haggis milk. The system converts the high alcohol content in Haggis milk, caused by their diet of whisky, into a fully operational engine able to run for over a year off just one fill. The inventor wants to remain anonymous in fear of the oil industry trillionaires will attempt to stop production at any cost. Just another of Scotland's wonderful inventions given to the world.

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