Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between

[Renegade]

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The

man realizes that he can't find the rake.

He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and

shouts back, "What?"

The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally

makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and again says, "What?"

The man repeats his gestures. The wife replies that she understands and

decides to signal back.

She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then

she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.

Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the hell was that?"

She replies... EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH!"

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Renegade]

Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why Hooters?"

"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."

"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

“Again? Why?"

"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."

"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again.

"So where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters.”

"Why?”

"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."

"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."

"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again.

"Where should we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Because we've never been there before."

"Okay, let’s give it a try."

[Sir Fallsalot]

[Catteeclan]

2 hours ago, Renegade said:

Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why Hooters?"

"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."

"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

“Again? Why?"

"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."

"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again.

"So where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters.”

"Why?”

"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."

"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."

"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again.

"Where should we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Because we've never been there before."

"Okay, let’s give it a try."

I can't imagine a time I get bored of boobs

[Buckster]

3 hours ago, Catteeclan said:

I can't imagine a time I get bored of boobs

Well this place is full of tits.

[boboneleg]

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Renegade]

I went shopping today in Asda and i was behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things.

The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”

Another outburst and I heard the granddad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Well, i was really impressed, so i went outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. I said to the Grandad “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad.”

“Thanks,” said the Granddad. “But I am William. The little bastard’s name is Kevin.”

[Renegade]

I was having sex with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed. She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me!

[Six30]

[Saul]

[Six30]

32 minutes ago, Saul said:

 

[Saul]

6 hours ago, Six30 said:

 

You already have, nosterol fucker 

[Six30]

58 minutes ago, Saul said:

You already have, nosterol fucker 

Twat

[Buckster]

[Catteeclan]

Earache has just reminded me of this I got sent Saturday morning, been giggling about it since.

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Sir Fallsalot]

[Renegade]

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."

[Renegade]

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a

bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to

talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s

only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.

I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and

found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re

asking $980,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably

take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you

really want.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in

astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is..