Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between

[boboneleg]

[boboneleg]

[Renegade]

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his feckin' widow"

[Buckster]

[Renegade]

If you are 40 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious shite about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of shit like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a FUCKING UTOPIA!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the bloody library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!

Stamps were 5 pence!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick the shit out of us! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!

And you could never win.

The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you SPOILED LITTLE RAT BASTARDS!!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the cooker! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You little arseholes wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or before!

Regards,

Grumpy Ole Fucker

[YamaHead]

1 hour ago, Renegade said:

If you are 40 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious shite about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of shit like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a FUCKING UTOPIA!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the bloody library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!

Stamps were 5 pence!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick the shit out of us! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!

And you could never win.

The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you SPOILED LITTLE RAT BASTARDS!!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the cooker! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You little arseholes wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or before!

Regards,

Grumpy Ole Fucker

Funny, but SOOO true!!

[Six30]

[Six30]

[Six30]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Buckster]

One for @Six30

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[YamaHead]

Pete woulda been ALL over this!....

[Renegade]

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe where the men all had manhoods measuring 24 inches. According to the show, when boys reached a certain age, they tied a string around their shaft, attaching a weight to the other end. Over time, the weight stretched it to an impressive 24 inches.

Later that night, as the husband stepped out of the shower, his wife glanced down and playfully suggested, “How about we try that African string-and-weight technique?”

Intrigued, the husband agreed. They tied a string, attached a small weight, and waited for nature to take its course.

A few days later, the wife checked in. “So, how’s our little tribal experiment going?”

“Well,” the husband said, “we’re about halfway there.”

“Wow, you’ve grown to 12 inches?” she asked excitedly.

“No… it’s turned black.”

[boboneleg]

23 minutes ago, Renegade said:

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe where the men all had manhoods measuring 24 inches. According to the show, when boys reached a certain age, they tied a string around their shaft, attaching a weight to the other end. Over time, the weight stretched it to an impressive 24 inches.

Later that night, as the husband stepped out of the shower, his wife glanced down and playfully suggested, “How about we try that African string-and-weight technique?”

Intrigued, the husband agreed. They tied a string, attached a small weight, and waited for nature to take its course.

A few days later, the wife checked in. “So, how’s our little tribal experiment going?”

“Well,” the husband said, “we’re about halfway there.”

“Wow, you’ve grown to 12 inches?” she asked excitedly.

“No… it’s turned black.”

An oldie but a goody

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Buckster]

[Renegade]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr.Rustom about enlarging her breasts.

Dr Rustom advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,

'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'

She did this faithfully for several months!

To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had

forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she

stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

Buckster who was sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. 'Rustom 's?'

'Yes I am.. How did you know?'

He winked and replied, "Hickory dickory dock...."

[Renegade]

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom.

On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing.

He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?"

The dad answered, "Playing Cards".

Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"

The dad answered, "Your mum".

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?"

The sister answered, "Playing Cards."

Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"

She answered, "My boyfriend, Paul."

A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom (naturally).

As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "Hey son, what are you doing?"

Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."

The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"

Little Johnny answered,... "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!

[boboneleg]

A vision of what archaeologists will discover in the future