Dumb ways to die.

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

Have you ever done anything so stupid that it nearly led you to an early grave?

Something unthinking you were surprised you survived and look back on wondering how you could have been so dumb?

If you haven’t either

A) I don’t believe you or B) You lack the reckless gene and we’re probably not friends or C) it’s true you’re not stupid enough to stick a fork in a toaster

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

Last week- 

Riding on the autovia about 70mph, it was really busy which is unusual. 

Bump

Hit from behind, a tap but enough to send things totally out of control. 

Careered towards the hard shoulder before coming off. 

Bike handle bar wedged inbetween barrier but somehow I’ve fallen into the gap the my jumbo panniers created and apart from a shot of adrenaline of epic proportions I am somehow ok. 

I look down the motorway and see some distance back my tank bag in the middle lane and the contents strewn at large distances across all three lanes. 

I briefly consider if theres anything that would identify this as mine, there isn’t, then I remember my house keys are in there, meh, so is my pannier key - oh my passport is in my pannier, oh well still not worth risking it - my hearing aids are also in there fuck fuck FUCK NOOOOO.

You know vids on youtube of people doing things so incredibly stupid you watch in utter disbelief and think well they don’t exactly deserve to die but perhaps it’s just natural selection doing it’s thing?

Yep I ran all over the carriageway of a busy motorway trying to retrieve my hearing aids. Which were in a paper bag cos papers breathable but also very easily blown about by traffic. I haven’t processed the next bit but the flashbacks aren’t fun so moving on. 

I get back to the bike fully expecting the popo to turn up any second because there’s no way someone’s not going to report a stupid person dancing in motorway traffic and a bike over in the barriers. 

Ok thats all I can manage now, typing this is making me sweat. 

Last instalment tomoz, or the next day or whenever I can type without my heart pounding nineteen to the dozen 

Pretty dumb though ay, beat that!

[Six30]

what bumped you ?

[XTreme]

Fucking hell! that could have been very nasty.

[busabeast]

Glad you're OK, hope the bike is fixable 

[Saul]

Wow that was a close shave, glad you came through ok.     Good idea for a thread though. 

I have had a couple of close calls but the one that sticks out to me for sheer stupidity happened when I was a teenager, funnily enough.  

I never learned to swim, even though I lived by the coast my whole life it didn't interest me.  Anyway one night I and a load of mates went across the river to a disco at the Waterfront Yacht club in Polruan.   20 or so of us travelled across the river in a mates 14 foot punt.  Way to many and we only had about 6 inches of freeboard, but we were young and daft and no fucks were given.  All good, we made it to Polruan had a cracking night  all pissed as mattresses.  Much giggling and carry on coming back across the river and a daft twat in the bow decided it would be a good idea to dip his head in the water to clear it, he managed much more than that with such little freeboard the bow dipped under than the boat went straight down.  Now we are all bobbing in the river, luckily for us it was summer, flat calm and warm.   Unluckily for me I was in the middle of the river and couldn't swim, after some drunken panic the Eliot twins dragged me across the river to safety.  They were two stunning 5'11" girls who both swam competitively.   Thank goodness they were there as I wasn't the only idiot that needed help.    We all got out fine and still laugh about it now  but things could have gone the other way quite easily, the Lifeboat Cox corned us all at different times and gave us a well earned severe bollocking.  We should have known better.  But it was a valuable life lesson and I took swimming lessons as soon as I could after that.  

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

6 hours ago, Six30 said:

what bumped you ?

A car. Small car, red, thats about all I caught cos I was otherwise engaged

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

3 hours ago, XTreme said:

Fucking hell! that could have been very nasty.

Yep it really could have been. Lucky and unlucky at the same time.

I realised later I could well of not just killed myself prancing around the motorway like a prize prat on supermarket sweep, I probably would have taken other people out with me by causing a pile up.. guilt galore!

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

12 minutes ago, Saul said:

Wow that was a close shave, glad you came through ok.     Good idea for a thread though. 

I have had a couple of close calls but the one that sticks out to me for sheer stupidity happened when I was a teenager, funnily enough.  

I never learned to swim, even though I lived by the coast my whole life it didn't interest me.  Anyway one night I and a load of mates went across the river to a disco at the Waterfront Yacht club in Polruan.   20 or so of us travelled across the river in a mates 14 foot punt.  Way too many and we only had about 6 inches of freeboard, but we were young and daft and no fucks were given.  All good, we made it to Polruan had a cracking night  all pissed as mattresses.  Much giggling and carry on coming back across the river and a daft twat in the bow decided it would be a good idea to dip his head in the water to clear it, he managed much more than that with such little freeboard the bow dipped under than the boat went straight down.  Now we are all bobbing in the river, luckily for us it was summer, flat calm and warm.   Unluckily for me I was in the middle of the river and couldn't swim, after some drunken panic the Eliot twins dragged me across the river to safety.  They were two stunning 5'11" girls who both swam competitively.   Thank goodness they were there as I wasn't the only idiot that needed help.    We all got out fine and still laugh about it now  but things could have gone the other way quite easily, the Lifeboat Cox corned us all at different times and gave us a well earned severe bollocking.  We should have known better.  But it was a valuable life lesson and I took swimming lessons as soon as I could after that.  

Pissed up and drowning unable to swim is pretty impressive. I’d give that 6 out of 10 because it wasn’t you who caused the boat to sink, he gets a solid 7!

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

1 hour ago, busabeast said:

Glad you're OK, hope the bike is fixable 

Thanks

I was breaking hard before impact and felt like I almost had back control (but I didn’t) so apart from a smashed wing mirror, some scuffing on the engine bars the bike looks remarkably good.

Getting the bars out of the barriers was the hardest part!

Mind you I’ve not looked at it closely.

[Pedro]

When I was about 10 I put a thumb in a lamp socket at the end of an extension, just to see what happened. Think you can die from that, but it wasn't as bad as i had imagined. Probably the most stupid thing I ever did.

Around 12 or 14 a friend lent me his bicycle, it was a road bike with skinny tires, back then kids usually didn't have those so I was very excited to go on a fast bicycle, he forgot to tell me the brakes weren't connected. I proceeded to go on on a very steep street and ramp that ended on a garage, didn't get what he was shouting about, rode straight into a concrete wall, over the handlebars and headlong into it. Proceeded to stumble home, made it to bed and passed out for a while, was dizzy for hours. Pretty sure you couldn't die from that but it really hurt.

Nurburgring, Miss-Hit-Miss is a fast downhill section with three apexes that you miss, hit and miss and exit quite wide, very narrow and fastish. If done fast it's a little scary as you don't have much margin for error. On a very optimistic laptime chasing moment I entered it way too fast, backed it in through the miss and the hit and only managed to get it back properly together on the third apex. I remember thinking I would not do that again, but it was one of my calls to fame at the time as I had a GPS recorded minimum speed through there of 152kmh, which is very fast this side of a proper car with slicks.

Coming down to Lisbon to meet my girlfriend for lunch on a friday, I was riding my current bike, new at the time. It had a fresh pair of Heidenau K60 and full sidecases, and I was on the motorway, some how got into evaluating how stable those tires were going fast, they were ok for 200, but started weaving at about 180. The weave was very controlable and  felt predictable right until a truck started showing it's blinker to pass someone on a very fast topspeedish downhill long left-hander. On the brakes it wasn't as nice. Stupid moment, but not as stupid as clambering around a busy motorway picking up your stuff, you don't leave stuff like that and go (regardless of its it identifies you or not) because that's how other people get killed on motorcycles, but you sit back and call an emergency number that sends help to fetch your stuff. 

[Pedro]

15 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

I was breaking hard before impact

Someone hit you from behind and you started to brake hard after? That sounds more dangerous that walking out into the motorway.

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

1 hour ago, Pedro said:

Someone hit you from behind and you started to brake hard after? That sounds more dangerous that walking out into the motorway.

You had to be there Pedro, I was booted out to the right on impact and heading fast towards to the barriers, breaking was definitely the right choice. 

[XTreme]

28 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

I was breaking hard before impact

An extract from the Motorcycling Tourettes Handbook, and this goes back to having very little (or no) brakes 50 odd years ago.

Position yourself outside the line of the car in front so you're very slightly inside of the centre line. If he's way over to that side of the lane then switch inside to use that as an overrun. But generally try to go for the centre line.

Cos if somebody puts the anchors on hard you've got an exit route to overrun if necessary.....plus you've taken yourself out of the line of fire from the car behind you.

Look at any vid of mine and I'm always in the centre of the road......because it also minimises the risk of getting clipped if some twat edges out from the side.

A very dangerous place for getting shunted is coming off on motorway slip roads......always stay at the centre point of those particularly if you're stationary in a traffic queue. Or you'll end up as a sandwich between two vehicles!

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

31 minutes ago, Pedro said:

When I was about 10 I put a thumb in a lamp socket at the end of an extension, just to see what happened. Think you can die from that, but it wasn't as bad as i had imagined. Probably the most stupid thing I ever did.

 

Excellent, 10 years old so you knew better, a solid 7 out of 10

33 minutes ago, Pedro said:

On Stupid moment, but not as stupid as clambering around a busy motorway picking up your stuff, you don't leave stuff like that and go (regardless of its it identifies you or not) because that's how other people get killed on motorcycles, but you sit back and call an emergency number that sends help to fetch your stuff. 

You don’t say Pedro, genius

Somehow I already knew there wouldn’t be any kindness or sympathy in your words, don’t like to miss an opportunity do you!

[Pedro]

4 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

You don’t say Pedro, genius

Somehow I already knew there wouldn’t be any kindness or sympathy in your words, don’t like to miss an opportunity do you!

Not my intention, though, I did get how stressed of panicked you were from your account of it and do understand you were very scared.  Sorry if it translated into unkind. I'm happy you didn't get run over.

My written english seems to convey coldness and my humor is frequently missed.

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

23 minutes ago, Pedro said:

Not my intention, though, I did get how stressed of panicked you were from your account of it and do understand you were very scared.  Sorry if it translated into unkind. I'm happy you didn't get run over.

My written english seems to convey coldness and my humor is frequently missed.

Appreciated.

[Buckster]

Pete was born ginger, does that count?

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

3 hours ago, XTreme said:

An extract from the Motorcycling Tourettes Handbook, and this goes back to having very little (or no) brakes 50 odd years ago.

Position yourself outside the line of the car in front so you're very slightly inside of the centre line. If he's way over to that side of the lane then switch inside to use that as an overrun. But generally try to go for the centre line.

Cos if somebody puts the anchors on hard you've got an exit route to overrun if necessary.....plus you've taken yourself out of the line of fire from the car behind you.

Look at any vid of mine and I'm always in the centre of the road......because it also minimises the risk of getting clipped if some twat edges out from the side.

A very dangerous place for getting shunted is coming off on motorway slip roads......always stay at the centre point of those particularly if you're stationary in a traffic queue. Or you'll end up as a sandwich between two vehicles!

Well it won’t surprise you to hear I had a crash course in what to and not to do from my Pops before my motorbike even arrived including that stuff but what may surprise you is they teach it on motorcycle courses when you do your licence now. 

No popping round the block on any old bike and man jumping out of an obvious hiding spot anymore!

[Earache]

I almost got shot in the head once, but that wasn't really my fault. Would have been a dumb way to die though.

In high school, I worked at a petrol station - full service in those days so I had to pump the gas into each car. Anyway, guy pulls up and I fill up his car. He then grabs me and holds a pistol to my head as he snags all of the cash I had on me to make change. Probably only $40 or so. Tells me to run for the station door and not to look back or he'll shoot. Sped off before I could even turn around. Fuckin' wanker.

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

20 minutes ago, Earache said:

I almost got shot in the head once, but that wasn't really my fault. Would have been a dumb way to die though.

In high school, I worked at a petrol station - full service in those days so I had to pump the gas into each car. Anyway, guy pulls up and I fill up his car. He then grabs me and holds a pistol to my head as he snags all of the cash I had on me to make change. Probably only $40 or so. Tells me to run for the station door and not to look back or he'll shoot. Sped off before I could even turn around. Fuckin' wanker.

Bloody hell. Bet you replayed that one through your mind a few times!

[Earache]

4 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

Bloody hell. Bet you replayed that one through your mind a few times!

Nah - happened pretty fast and never really bothered me for some reason. I thought if that guy was so broke as to rob someone for $40 - then he didn't have money for bullets.

I think just about everyone I know has had a weapon pointed at them at some time or another. Not many actually get shot though.

[Sir Fallsalot]

With the stupid stuff I've done on the bike i could fill this page for days, not bike related there's one thing i done when i was probably around 9 or 10 year old that i still think about today. At that age i loved climbing things anything that was a challenge and i'd have a go, there was an old deserted quarry near my home which i would climb regular, it was probably about 100ft high, one day i was climbing a part i hadn't climbed before i was getting close to the top when i grabbed hold of the rockface to pull myself up and what i grabbed hold of came away in my hand and i was frozen there teetering on the balance point of falling backwards or towards the rockface for what seemed like forever, at the time it got the adrenalin flowing and not much else and i was climbing up the same line straight after, It was only when i got older i realised how close i came, i was on my own where i'd seen nobody else go there in all the times i'd been there and nobody knew i was there, if i had gone the wrong way the search would have been for a body not a missing child

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

17 minutes ago, Sir Fallsalot said:

With the stupid stuff I've done on the bike i could fill this page for days, not bike related there's one thing i done when i was probably around 9 or 10 year old that i still think about today. At that age i loved climbing things anything that was a challenge and i'd have a go, there was an old deserted quarry near my home which i would climb regular, it was probably about 100ft high, one day i was climbing a part i hadn't climbed before i was getting close to the top when i grabbed hold of the rockface to pull myself up and what i grabbed hold of came away in my hand and i was frozen there teetering on the balance point of falling backwards or towards the rockface for what seemed like forever, at the time it got the adrenalin flowing and not much else and i was climbing up the same line straight after, It was only when i got older i realised how close i came, i was on my own where i'd seen nobody else go there in all the times i'd been there and nobody knew i was there, if i had gone the wrong way the search would have been for a body not a missing child

Bloody hell. I think a lot of us have experienced climbing stuff we weren’t supposed to and losing our footing or nearly slipping off something but that is next level On your own, no-one else goes there and carrying on. Tenacious yep, dumb way to die, yep right up there. 

Reckon you’re in the lead on a solid 8 out of 10 on that one but being only nine or ten years old you get 1 credit and can knock it down to 7 out of 10 if want

Bet you didn’t tell your Ma or Da

[Pedro]

Reminded myself, I once rode a small plastic sled onto the middle of a frozen lake in Serra da Estrela, once it stopped and I got up the i e broke and I fell in. Couldn’t get out as all ice kept breaking as I tried to get out. Before I went under from the weight of soaked clothing someone slid to near me and threw me a rope.

Must have been about 8 or 10.

Remember changing clothes and feeling ultra warm on jeans and a tshirt for hours after